Before and After

About 10 minutes before the "incident". See that wooden border, innocently hanging out in the background?

...it leaves a mark. 3 stitches for a 3 year old.

*Note: click here for the full story.

Eight down

One week left before summer vacation is over.

"The days are long and the years are short." Is a quote from Tina Fey's Bossypants (go read it, highly enjoyable!) It's attributed back to stay at home parents and sex trade workers. And it's very true.

What did we do this week? It's passed in a blur. I have to refer back to Facebook and my iPhoto to piece it all together.

It seems that Monday was an emotional and adventure filled day.

And Tuesday, well we hung around the house in the morning and then took the car to be serviced in the afternoon. Found a playground, essentially in the projects on the other side of the harbour. The boys loved it! I was anxious with the rougher crowd passing through and milling around, but that's just me being hyper-vigilant, as I'm wont to do. Felix did give me a scare, when I'd turned back from putting the camera away and saw him dangling from the climbing structure, his bare toes still a good 4 feet from the ground. He was having fun practicing 'gymnastics'.

Wednesday morning, Felix had a discouraging visit at the allergy clinic. We've been told to feed him whatever he wants. If his eczema flares, just treat it. Keep his body hydrated and his skin moisturized. That the family history, list of symptoms and random reactions don't indicate an allergy. Which is great news! But still leaves us back at the beginning. We're doing an egg challenge. So far, no reaction. Which means we have no idea what caused the full body rash, twice.

I promised the boys a new playground after the appointment, so we headed to a new-to-them one on the way home, chatting it up and building anticipation the whole way there. Well, that was disappointing.

They were only working on the border, not the equipment. But wouldn't let the boys play. Tears ensued.

So we went home, packed a picnic and headed to the lake. I braved it by myself but won't do that again soon, despite really wanting to go back! Felix is fearless in the water and Elliot is a limpet. They both had lifejackets, but needed an adult beside them, always. And then there was the whining. And the perma-injury mode Felix seemed to be stuck in, falling off the play structure twice and then skinning his elbow in the parking lot.

Thursday the sitter came. I sat in a cafe with goodies and free wifi then went shopping and met with the Registrar to discuss my school schedule.

Friday it was supposed to rain. Precursor to hurricane Irene, who was making her way up the coast. We watched TV, everyone on edge, then I tossed them in the car and we ran errands. It was stinky humid and then the sun came out, so we stopped at a playground on the way home. Felix was adamant that I watch his baby while he played.

Mmmmmm, Baby Banana Bread

Saturday afternoon we packed up and headed to a provincial park for family swimming. The boys fell asleep on the way there so we hung out in the parking lot for a while. Afterwards, we went for supper at Boston Pizza, where we tried to help a little girl who'd gone to the bathroom only to return to a table minus her family. Poor thing. Turned out well, but tense for a while. That night, a painting that's been on the wall for 8 years at the top of our stairs crashed down, setting off the security alarm. In the ensuing panic, while hubby and I shot out of bed, still asleep, I caught an elbow to the eye and now have a shiner. Delightful!

"Born to be alive!"

Felix swam out to the 100 meter mark. Parented.

Yesterday, Irene limped past. She was reported to be a good 558 miles off shore, so we got a smattering of rain and a bunch of wind. Would have been pleasant if not for the pressing humidity.

No idea what this week brings. We're all winding down, energy is dwindling and patience is wearing thin all around. But I should plan at least one more weekday adventure. And it's a long weekend coming up - and our anniversary - so we should think about that, too.

Missed every little detail of our summer vacation so far? Well catch up, already! Weeks 1, 2, 3, 4. 5, 6 and 7.

Of boys, lakes and fighting

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day (labeled "Bedtime Stories", I guess to dissuade snoopers??) and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me, typos and all!

Sunday, July 24, 1994 

DD,

I think me and M might be breaking up. I don't really know why, but I just think so. I called him on Friday. He didn't know it was me at first. If I hadn't called him, we wouldn't have talked together yet! (I worked 'til 11 Fri, & 12 last night). I kinda wanna break up with him, but I don't want to do the breaking. I really do care a lot about him. I doubt I ever loved him, I doubt he ever loved me. It was just something we said. I wonder what he thinks about us. He wont come right out and tell me, of course. And I'm scared of what he'll say if I ask. 

I saw K yesterday. Me & Mel followed him around down. (he was driving). He spit at me (so Mel says)*. I only saw him lift up his head at me.

Oh well.

Love, Rainy

Fri, Aug 19, 1994

DD,

I think me & M broke up. I haven't talked to him since the 11th (the 3rd annual walk around the lake**). We barely talked then,

I've lost my phone permanently...It's disconnected. I was "disrespectful" towards John (step-father) at the "walk". I don't really mind - 1 less thing to spend my money on. I'm not going to France, either, *** so I don't have to save up $6000 by next August. It was an unreasonable goal.

K&C came down for the walk. They're leaving tomorrow. K stayed with us & C was with R. Last night we went to the movies. We saw "The Mask" It was hilarious!!

School starts in about 3 wks. I'm in "High School" now! Cool! But we might be moving in November to B.C. for 6 months. Fun!****

Anyway,

gotta go!

~Rainy

*Sounds like a winner, huh? I had such a crush on him for years, actually got in a 'fight' with the girl he went on to date (and maybe even marry?) She challenged me, told me to meet her out front at the end of the school day. I showed, trembling. She didn't. I saw him years after and he'd gotten... soft. Not fat, but definitly lacking the boyish charm I fell for. Or maybe I just grew up.


** The Walk Around The Lake was an event we made up. We were bored one day and mom suggested we got for a walk around the lake. So we invited a bunch of friends over and went for it! The dam was open and the lake had gone waaaay down, so we could walk around the rocky shore. It was fun, we stopped to swim anywhere we wanted. We did it for 4 years, I think. Even got newspaper coverage one year. There was one notoriously muddy section where we'd sink in up to our thighs. Mud fights. Another summer camp had a raft with a huge slide on it and would let us play there. They looked for us every year!


***I got it in my head that I was going to be an exchange student in France for a year. A very lofty idea, especially since I'd have pretty much no parental backing. I still wish i'd done it, though. Maybe I'd still be speaking French.

****Sarcasm.

The outing

Taking preschoolers to a wildlife park can be so much fun! And it's highly educational. Here are some specific instances in which you can really drive home a lasting life lesson.

1. Enlist their help in preparing the picnic lunch. This will give them a sense of accomplishment and pique their interest in the outing. Feeling like they're in control of WHAT they eat will make them want to change the WHEN, so you may need to prepare a whole new lunch when the first one mysteriously disappears off the counter when you turn to remove the bag of dinky cars from the Coleman cooler. Even if they have just finished breakfast. Just go with it.

2. Preschoolers are slippery creatures even when not lotioned up. Applying sunscreen can be tricky. It can be helpful to pretend you're on a mechanical bull. Or that you ARE the mechanical bull. It's never too early for some physical education.

3. After perusing the collection 31 stuffies, 12 dinky cars, a handful of coins, a precarious lego tower and a winter hat in the shape of a penguin lined up and waiting to go in the hallway, engage their interest and distract them with story time while stuffing them in the car as fast as you can. Do not go back in the house. Don't even look at the house as they can read your mind.

4. After all, it's educational at the gas station! They can select the grade and wash the windows. It's fun. They want this. The cars waiting behind you will understand and applaud your nurturing and explanatory nature.

5.  Resist the urge to slam on the breaks while traveling on the highway and threaten to "turn this car around", no matter how many times they ask the questions, "Where are we going?" "Where are WE going?" "WHERE are we going?" "Where are we GOING?" and "What did you say again?" These are all different questions that deserve complete and detailed answers. In writing. In triplicate. And notarized. Utilize road signs to foster an early love of letters.

6. Upon arrival, if there are birds roaming the grounds freely, they will be chased, no matter how large they are. Preschoolers must show them who's boss. It's the natural pecking order.

7. Fences are only for the rest of the crowd. That little path to the cougar's cage? It's all yours, baby! This hones leadership.

8. At 25 cents per handful, snacking on duckfood is not just fine, it's downright economical! Congratulate yourself for the brilliant way in which you've gotten them to eat their vegetables!

9. Not holding your hand flat whilst feeding the deer can result in a missing finger or 2. Or at least thinking that's the case. Such a great opportunity to review early mathematics!

10. Speaking of mathematics, running away and blending in with another family not only teaches subtraction and multiplication, it's also a good starting point for health sciences.

Raccoons are funny.

11. The coyote that appears to be stalking you IS stalking you. He's also teaching you not to drop  your guard (or your fly) for too long. A good lesson in cause and effect. If you run when someone is taking a picture, they'll get angry.

Speaking of coyotes.

12. Remember what you packed for the picnic? There's a memory game waiting to happen. Also, let's learn about volume and mass as it's crammed in.

13. Bodies at rest will remain at rest. Unless they fell asleep screaming, in which case, they will wake up that way so you can demonstrate the laws of physics and geometry while holding their hands and controlling a moving vehicle at 110 kilometers an hour. 

Don't poke the bear

14. In recounting your day, which may have gone on to include lessons of buoyancy, architecture and bladder control at a local body of water with a sandy shore (hello, geology!), don't forget to dwell on the boo-boos and tears. Blood builds character.

15. Photograph everything for posterity!

Day at the lake, with sandwiches

Houdini

Through a haze, she heard the bell ring. Expecting a parcel, she figured they'd just leave it on the step and rolled back over. A second ticked by, then two. Sleep was now elusive. Easing out of the bed so as not to wake the sleeping three year old, she tiptoed to the window. No delivery truck in sight. The laughter of children floated up from the street, a warm breeze fluttered the curtains.

The clock showed that less than 45 minutes had passed. She heard a voice from downstairs - had the 5 year old opened the door? The door alarm hadn't beeped, the screen door hadn't shrieked. Why was he down there, anyway? He was to be colouring or reading in his room. It was quiet time, that was the rule. Walking quickly, but clumsily, brushing sleep from her eyes, she pulled open the unlocked baby gate at the top of the stairs and went down.

He had let someone in! And they'd gotten so far as the kitchen, with the dirty dishes everywhere. How had that happened. A woman was calling hello. Rubber boots and a pair of natty old mittens on a string were cast off in the middle of the floor, amidst dish towels and scraps of paper.

"My name is Michelle. I live on the next street. I found this little boy walking by my house."

She sat down with a hard thump onto the kitchen stool and hugged him tightly, eyes wide. There were several conversations happening at once but the main focus was there, in her arms. Words were exchanged, images painted, exclamations made. Complete disbelief.

Michelle let herself out of the back door, through the gate, into the driveway and on with her day.

Alternating between a crushing hug, tears and admonishments, the story came out. He was bored reading. He didn't know where she was. At yoga? Had he gone looking for her? Maybe. He just wanted to go for a walk around the block. (Again) In costume. The front door was locked and so was the back door, but he opened it. But don't worry, he hadn't crossed any streets. He stopped when the lady backed out of her driveway. He led her back to his house, the long way around. He wouldn't do it again, not until he was at least 8 or 9.

There was praise for being smart enough to find his way home, to be safe, to stay on the sidewalk. And wetly whispered fears that she might have lost him forever. Reminders of never, ever going out without a parent, not even to the backyard without telling a parent.

And once alone, she shuddered and sobbed, breath coming in tight bursts, because it really can be that quick, that easy, that fragile.

She will never nap again.

Seven down.

 I'm reminded of the bit in The Sound of Music when the Reverend Mother was telling Maria about the governess position.

-Seven children?! 
-Do you like children? 
-Well, yes, but seven! 

I wish I had an audio clip. Her astonishment at "seven" is exactly how I'm feeling now. Seven weeks of summer, gone?! Nonsense. We haven't done half the things we'd planned. I can't have made it through, I expected to be in a rubber room by now, eating jello pushed in through the mail slot and having my meds hand-fed to me by Johnny Depp look-a-likes. Please send me where there are Johnny Depp look-a-likes. 

Source

So. Yeah. Summer's almost over. Week 7. We cleaned. Ran errands. Lunched in parks. Went to a farm. The usual.

Monday I procrastinated until noon. The weather was gray. The boys stayed in their pjs until bath time. No one napped. I made a ridiculously long list of things that needed to be done around the house. Then amazingly proceeded to do most of them, while the boys played with legos on the floor for 5 hours straight.  True story.

I actually did make those brownies. And folded that laundry. On Thursday, I think.

Tuesday I had a doctor's appointment and no one was available to watch the boys. So, I bribed them with promises of treats (Hey, it worked before!) and off we set. Two cats befriended us and trailed along behind us most of the way. They hid under parked cars and dashed across the busy street. I told the boys the cats would be fine, but I wasn't so sure. We looked for them on the way home, but there were no signs. Hopefully they made it. After the appointment (during which, the boys were reprimanded for drawing on the floor and running up and down the quiet halls with a loud toy on a string - causing Elliot to wonder why they provided that toy in the first place if it was too loud) we did go to a coffee shop for snacks. Again, no one napped. Felix cried the whole way home.

Wednesday, the sitter came. I had more appointments. And brownies. And made up rules with the boys. We have since added on #11 - You don't HAVE to pee but you have to TRY. I heard another mama refer to this rule today, which proved it's validity. Elliot hates this rule.

We don't need no stinkin' rules!

Thursday we went to the library. They weren't on their best behaviour, but they didn't destroy anything.We picnicked for lunch and I fed them frozen yogurt masquerading as ice cream. Even hubby was fooled. No one napped, we made pizza dough and did a whirlwind (and costly) trip to Costco. Hubby came home late, missing bath and bed time again. Bastard. Poor guy.

Friday was fun. We went to the farm. The boys ran here. They ran there. They stepped in cow patties. They complained about stinky pigs. They hid from roosters and tried to pick up unwilling cats. They sweet talked the blacksmith into letting them play with fire - literally - and then he showed them how to make nails. We went on a wagon ride. We went on a nature trail. They slept in the car on the way home and I treated myself to the Starbucks drive thru and even though they screwed up my order twice, I savoured it. My little brother came to visit. It was a very busy day.

Wood shavings. We're still finding them.

Tasty.

Saturday found us all at the Farmer's Market. And making a reward board to go along with the house rules. And playing Wii all afternoon. (Which is awfully hard to do if you've managed to sprain your flexor and extensor tendons. At least it's my non-dominant hand. Apparently, index fingers aren't designed to support one's full weight when leaped on by a 38 pound changeling child.) After bath and bed, I escaped and got groceries all my myself. I ate Pringles under the covers while reading Bossypants. Good times.

Two more weeks, then my (full) time with these little critters angels is done. I'm surprisingly sad. If you'd told me 7 weeks ago I'd be feeling this way, I'd a slapped you. Though, I am looking forward to it and according to my therapist, I'm "over-contacted" and in need of some alone time. I love being with them, but when they don't get the frack off me already, things get tense. I'm a work in progress. September brings change. I can embrace it.

Heart melting. They know just how to work the system.

Missed every little detail of our summer vacation so far? Well catch up, already! Weeks 1, 2, 3, 4. 5 and 6.

The cat hates me, too.

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day (labeled "Bedtime Stories", I guess to dissuade snoopers??) and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me, typos and all!

Tuesday, July 19, 1994 

DD,

Well, R has deserted me and M hasn't called since Friday. Even the cat doesn't like me - (s)he shit under my bed last night! M told me he'd call on Monday (yest.) Nope. I "fell asleep" last night at 10:30. At 10:50 I turned off my phone, (but watched it to see if it was ringing... it lights up) I didn't really sleep, just flaked. But he didn't call.

R's gone to K&C's for a week. I'm so tired. I feel like shit. I feel lonely!!

I know I should call M, but he said he'd call me. Ha! He's probably saying to himself "Why the hell doesn't she call me? Does she not love me anymore?"

Hey, it's a good question.

Gotta go.

Love, Rainy

Thursday, July 21, 1994

DD,

M got drunk Saturday night. He told me last night. He went to a friend's house and had 2 beers, vodka, a cooler and some other liquer. (I forget the name). He had another beer, but he dropped it & spilled most of it. He said that it "pissed him off!!" Then he said that now he could get drunk whenever he wants 'cause his friends brother is 19 & will buy him booze if he gives him money.

Great. This is just what I need - an alcoholic boyfriend. I didn't say a word when he told me all this but I was mad. I don't know why, specifically. Tuesday night when we were getting off the phone, M said "You can call me anytime, you know. It's okay."

Great. Now I have some explaining to do. This will be fun. Yeah! I can see it now: "M, I have a psychological mental block that won't let me call you...ka-pish?!..." Yeah! RIGHT!

Him & his family are going camping from Aug. 1-10. The exhibition is the 1-6. I thought we were going together. Oh well.

Anyway.

Rainy

No Hissing.

The boys came up with many of these on their own. Alas, we still need to address the penis issue.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot - and other things I've said lately

There are some phrases you just never thought you'd hear yourself say. Or even expect anyone else to say. But they've become commonplace at our house. Most have to do with proper penis etiquette.Why does it fall to me to teach them how to handle - or not - their peckers?

1. Stop wrapping your penis around the table leg.
(True story.)

2. Get your sandwich off your penis. That's why you have crumbs there.

3. Don't touch ANYthing - you have penis hands.

4. Get your penis hands off my face.

5. They're YOUR pants. Pull them down.
(Have I mentioned I hate potty training? No? Well I do.)

6. Get off his head!
(Neck and Face are runners up. This is said hourly. Sometimes every 5 minutes. And usually in triplicate.)

7. STOP WRESTLING ON THE COUCH!!!

8. Get my fingers out of your mouth.

9. Stop licking each other's tongues! Eeeew.

10. If you fall in there, I'm not jumping in there after you. Well, I will, but I won't be happy about it.
(I've said this more than once this summer. About the lake, the harbour, the portable toilets at the festival.) 

11. Fuck you and the girl you rode in on.
(Yeah, that probably needs some explanation. I was trying to tell hubby something about that guy who sang that song? Props to hubby for figuring out I meant Cee-Lo.)

I keep meaning to carry around a little notebook with me and jot down the rest of the ridiculous things I've been saying, but I'm lucky if I remember to put on deodorant in the mornings. Did you hear that what that stinky woman just said to those adorable kids? Yep. Probably me. Write it down. Send it to me. Thanks!

Six down.

Seriously?? There's only 3 weeks left? Wow. I guess I should get the back to school shopping down. September 6th is going to be a momentous day: Elliot's first day, Felix's first day of preschool, and my first day back at college. Wowza. Gonna be a lot of photos snapped at the end of the driveway!

Ok, looking back over this week...

Monday it was raining. I set up an art studio, we painted the boys' feet red, stamped them onto little canvases and turned them into firetrucks. I stole this idea from a highly creative friend, who did a much better job on her firetrucks, but whatever. The boys loved it. Then they spent half an hour making their own artsy paint creations. I had to mop the floor when they were done.

We moved on to a photo studio. I tried to get them to take serious photos first, since it's been 2 years since we've gotten portrait studio quality pics done. (For a good reason. It's hard to get these yahoos to cooperate!) Then I broke out the props. The feather boa was a huge hit. Too bad it was ancient and disintegrated all over the floor. There are still tiny purple wisps everywhere.

Serious = Angry? Petulant?

And cue the drama.

Tuesday it was overcast and we had a freaking awesome day. Full of appointments and adventure, and the boys listened and behaved. I was floored. Still am.

Wednesday, the sitter came. Hooooray! I saw my doctor, got the good news that my thyroid and iron levels are stable. Which is a big YAY! More rain, so when I got home, we watched more TV. I like TV. they like TV. Win/win, right?

Thursday we went downtown watch some of the Buskers Festival. My mom arrived and wanted to take the boys without me, but I didn't think that was wise (turns out I was totally right, they were wild and fearsome hooligans, not big on listening. But it was an unplanned trip over their lunch and nap time, so I guess things went as well as could be expected.) I have my doubts my mother would have been able to handle things. Probably would have come back short a child. Despite the crazy, it was fun. We started out at the Market, where Elliot had to be reminded every quarter second to get his hands off the tables. Felix tried to make off with a handful of fresh, tempting blueberries. Of course, after my admonishment to not. eat. anything. the shop keeper handed him some free berries. So much for that life lesson.

We then walked along the boardwalk, where I tried desperately to keep the boys from tipping into the harbour. They were determined and creative creatures. A man was playing guitar on one of the benches and the boys entertained us all by putting on a dance show. I tossed some money in his hat and then watched as he paid it back out to the boys at the end of their performance. He congratulated them on becoming buskers! We fought the crowds to the playground and then moved over to one of the stage areas. We had front row seats for an acrobatic show, which highly entertained the boys. They screamed like banshees when it was time to leave. But no one had napped and it was coming up on melting point. Still, no one napped when we got home, either. Stinkers. We watched Cars. Again.

Friday we packed up and headed to a playground on the other side of town. The skies cleared and the sun came out and we found ourselves completely unprepared for the heat - and the splash pad! They played, we ate, they played in the water, they got changed and played in the sandbox (Felix spent 2 hours in there!)

And then... holy crap, let's talk about crap.

Elliot crabbed walked over from the far end of the fenced off playground and announced he had to poop. Ok. No biggie. I had the potty.  We hustled over to a quiet corner. He did his business, I dug a hole in preparation of disposal. Then I re-thought. Kids are all over this place. So are pets. I just couldn't risk someone finding it, no matter how out of the way I put it. Plus, that's just gross and smelly and unsanitary. The garbage can was over by the sandbox, along with a huge group of kids and parents. I didn't dare walk over, reeking potty in hand. I needed something to seal it up. Hide it. Ugh. There were empty sandwich containers in the stroller. I'll spare you the details, but *gag* *barf* *eeeeew* I'm sorry, maintenance workers. At least there was a bag lining the can.

The kids are still talking about that playground and we're planning a return trip. Maybe. I'm still a little poo traumatized. Why does Elliot always manage to do this to me?

The weekend was quiet, hubby's been working on a project in the basement, so I've been boy wrangling a bit more than I'd like to be. We've been trading off - he'll hang with them for a few hours in the morning, I'll take them until bath time, we both put them to bed. Today I took them to a birthday party. It was girl-centric, a princess theme. But they loved it. They were tattooed,  mustachioed and lacquered on fingers and toes (red for Elliot, of course, and pink & red for Felix)... and had to be talked out of going to bed in their knight suits.

I've been stocking up on rainy day things to do with the boys - gift cards to coffee shops with play areas and the like. As much as I they love sitting in front of the TV, we can't keep doing it to the tune of 4+ hours a day. That's just crazy talk! So we'll see what this week brings. Hopefully some sun. But if there's rain, I might will be prepared. Stay tuned!

Missed every little detail of our summer vacation so far? Well catch up, already! Weeks 1, 2, 3, 4. and 5.

Oranges are bad for depression. Apparently.

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day (labeled "Bedtime Stories", I guess to dissuade snoopers??) and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me, typos and all!

Tuesday July 12, 1994 

DD,

I don't believe this! I can't remember the date today! I'll have to fill it in later!

I'm depressed tonight. It all started because mom wouldn't pick up a few orange peels for me. That sounds really dumb, I know. I had peeled 4 oranges, & when I went to leave the room to come upstairs, I could pick up all the peels. I asked if someone could grab the rest as they were leaving the room (they're watching a movie) & mom says "NO".

(**It was often the smallest, stupidest things that set me off. Still can be, though these days I just seem to wake up that way. I know that for me, a lot of it is diet related. For example, yesterday I binged on chocolate. Today, I'm a cranky, raging bear and just want to cry or sit in a corner and eat more chocolate. But there are these... children that keep demanding and expecting things from me!)

Dumb, huh! So now I feel crummy, & I want a hug & M's not here. Well, maybe he knew, 'cause he just called!

Ok. I'm back. M didn't help much... probably cause he didn't know he was supposed to. 

Oh well.

~Rainy

I keep wrappers in the freezer and sniff them when I need a fix. Sometimes it even works!

It's raining. Again.

TV zombies

Rewarding

Elliot crawled into bed with me just before 7 this morning and exuberantly declared, "I love you mama. You're the most wonderful mama and you always do the best new things." He went on to add, "But I don't like looking at the TV when it's black." Way to butter me up, kid!

We left the house a few minutes early. I jogged the whole way to our first appointment, 26 minutes. (I haven't been on the treadmill in almost a week - had to fit a workout in somehow!!)  We went over the rules: Use your listening ears. No fighting. No yelling. No running away.  We went over the rewards: Fresh croissants at the French bakery next door. They were mostly well behaved while Felix had his treatment - that is to say, they were 125% better than normal. So we got pastries. Ok, they did. I had decaf coffee. Healthier.

We manuevered ourselves downtown, stopping at the baby store to pick up our free demo of all-natural bug spray and to get a gift for an expectant friend. Again a review of the rules and a new reward - this time: sushi lunch! They were 623498521% better behaved than normal.

We went to the library, again, reviewing the rules and reminding them about sushi lunch. They only chased the pigeons for a minute. They didn't run crazy. I only lost one child for a moment and he returned, apologetic. Felix grabbed the first book he found and sat down to "read" it while I got my books. When I went over to collect him, he wouldn't give up his book and wanted to bring it down to the children's section, where it was promptly abandoned for the play house. I apologize if any older child asked their caregiver what "Lust Confusion" was all about.

I was in another room, searching for a specific parenting book (Hold On To Your Kids, if anyone's interested) when I heard the cry that gives any parent the superpower of flight: "I have to POOP!"

Unfortunately, the cry should have been, "I'm pooping" as we didn't quite make it on time. Sorry kiddo, I know you love those Lightening McQueen underwear, but I wasn't bringing them home. As it was, all your spare clothes were outside in the stroller. You're lucky you mostly missed your pants, else someone would have been checking out the books bare arsed.

With minimal prodding and pigeon chasing, we made it out to the stroller and over to the bank and then sushi. They chanted "SUSHI SUSHI" with glee, as we rolled down the ramp to the food court. Only to turn the corner and see the place in darkness. A hand written sign informed us that the chef was ill with a very bad migraine. Poor dude. I've been there. But dammit, I promised sushi!!

We made due with tuna and ham & swiss sandwiches from the deli next door and got to sit in the fishie chairs. They forgot about sushi. And we came home, still smelling vaguely of poo.

Who were these children and how can I keep them? I loved our day today.

Five down.

Where did that one go??? Speedy little thing.

We spent last weekend recovering from my week away with the boys. We'd thought about going on a family camping trip, maybe going to the zoo or wildlife park or to the farm. But it was just too much effort. We did some walking trails close to home, hit a few playgrounds, filled the wading pool in the backyard. Sunday night there were fireworks, so we kept the boys up stupid late and went downtown for a low-level display. They loved it!

Felix looks like E.T.

Monday was a holiday, so hubby was home, which was awesome. We puttered around the house, then participated in the annual Bridge Walk for the first time. One of the 2 bridges spanning the harbour was shut down for the day and between 2-4, they opened it to foot traffic. The boys were so excited about walking on the actual road. (We've walked the bridge before, but only on the sidewalk.) But all the late nights and no naps caught up with Elliot pretty quickly and Mr. Crankypants fell asleep before we got there... and didn't wake up until we were almost home again. Man oh man, was he angry!!

Tuesday there was a fantastic thunder and lightening storm. I have no recollection of anything else we did that day. I'm sure it involved lots of TV.

Wednesday we ran errands - I had a chiropractic appointment that they were semi-well behaved for. Then we got groceries and donated all the old diapers and Pull-ups to the daycare. There was lunch. And the discovery (ok, more like admitting) of sick fishies. And probably more TV.

Thursday. Let's see. I put in a work out DVD in the morning. They did the first few minutes with me, then tried to trip me and brain me with the handweights. They also spent a good chunk of time climbing on me while I did the floor parts. I then tried a yoga DVD but had to turn it off within 5 minutes as they decided to run circles around the house, nipping and biting at my arms while I did downward dog. So then I made bread. And someone might have napped after lunch, it's a blur. I know we watched Cars in the afternoon.

Friday we got our shit together and met a friend, her son and the little girl she watches at a park we haven't been to in a long while. Brought the boys' bikes, they rode around in the parking lot before lunch. Add in a playground and throwing rocks in the ocean and then cue nap-related breakdown. Home we went where NO ONE NAPPED!!! Oh. Em. Gee. I was ready to slaughter them. Hubby and I stayed up stupid late on Thursday watching a Sandra Bullock flick and I was exhausted. We watched another movie that afternoon, too. And hubby didn't come home from work until after midnight. Ugh.

Felix said superheroes loved to swing

Elliot wouldn't take his helmet off.

This weekend we finally took the boys camping. I loved it. It was so much like the many, many trips I took as a girl. The boys were excited and too hyper to be well-behaved, but it was fun. Hotdogs and marshmallows roasted over an open fire. Beans cooked in their can in the coals. Hubby didn't have as pleasant a time. Lack of sleep and a headache plus sleeping on the ground made things difficult. I'm game to go again soon. He needs more recovery. So I'm actually considering taking the boys by myself. The only thing holding me back is my anxiety that we'll be killed by a serial murderer. Or snakes.

Hotdogs. Several were sacrificed.

S'mores!!

My moose-y boys.

We came home yesterday to discover that one of the fish was no more. Good bye, Cha-Cha. And then this morning, Rita went up to fishy heaven, too. Or somewhere. All drains lead to the ocean, and all that. The boys don't know, but I don't think they'll miss them. We're not going to make a big deal. It's sad, but we didn't ask for these fish and knew nothing about taking care of them. They were fine up until last week. There was either something wrong with them or their water. My money's on the time that Cha-Cha hit the kitchen floor in a failed escape attempt. Probably brought back tons of fresh, fish-eating bacteria. Poor things. Never stood a chance in this house. I'm kinda surprised the cats have lasted this long, nevermind the kids!

So, here we have week 6 ahead of us, which brings us that much closer to the end of summer and start of school. Don't know how I feel about that. Three weeks left to reflect, I guess.

Missed every little detail of our summer vacation so far? Well catch up, already! Weeks 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Bad prom date

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me, typos and all!


Tuesday, June 28 1994

DD,

The prom was last night. It was extremely boring. 


At 6, mom's friend came over to help with mine and Jennie's hair. (Jennie went to the prom with JB... her dress was Gorgeous! Lacey pink with silver going through it. **) We were supposed to leave the house at 7 so we could pick up R then drive to M's. Well, we didn't leave until 7:20! 


**Jennie despises this dress and makes nasty comments to this day about how it looked like shimmery cotton candy! I need to find pictures of us, all dressed fancy... once located, they will be scanned and posted, just you wait and see! Sorry, Jen.


We got R & arrived at M's around 7:50. (The prom started at 8) M got me a wrist corsauge (?) it had red carnations & white baby's breath to match the red flowers & white baby's breath in my hair. (We had curled it and put it up in a curly ponytail with the flowers. 

Then we had our pictures taken - I either blinked or moved in Every one! No joke! By the time we got to the dance, it was 8:25. They had the place all decorated with a black/white "Moonlight Entertainment" skeme scheme. They had silver stars, too! At first I was really nervous and excited. I was bad mouthin' just about everyone! I was a super bitch, alright! Then I was mad & bitchy, depressed and bitchy, hyper & bitchy... I was terrible. I deserted M for about 15 minutes. (1.5 fast songs and 2 slow songs). I didn't give him an explanation - he didn't ask, either. I was really depressed and staring at the floor. M didn't even notice. He probably wouldn't have, even if I painted my self yellow with the words, "I'm depressed" written in black across my forehead!

Mel came over and told me to "look alive! Get in the Gr-uuve!" Then R dragged me off to the bathroom. (This was at the end of the night... I came out just before the last waltz - it was "I Swear" by All-4-One. I don't even know whats wrong between me & M. I do know, but I don't even want to think about it. I guess we're just not meant for eachother. Were to much alike in our different ways.

When we were dancing, he told me not to get any make-up on him... I had close to zilch on! He won't touch me. When we dance, he wont put his hands passed my waist. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with him? We only danced about 4-6 songs. What a mess. For the whole night, we either sat in the dark, not talking, just staring at the floor. (Me & B had a long conversation, I'm sure M was rip-pissin' mad at me.)... or we were int he cafeteria, with me making fun of everyone and craving attention, & putting my self down. I asked R jokingly if I reminded her of any particular song... she said "Baby Beluga". It's an inside joke - she said I called her a whale (I didn't) but then it reminded me of that song, so I sang it. The M said the song "Burn Bitch Burn" and "Dead and Bloated". Jennie's date said "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)".Now that made me feel really good. H was always putting me down, saying really mean things. M didn't do a thing. When we went to Pizza Delight, after, H slapped me across the face and called me a bitch. M didn't do anything. WHY IS MY LIFE SO MESSED UP? 

Me & M kissed ONCE the whole night, we were leaving Pizza Delight. H started coughing & clearing her throat the whole time. 

Shit. BITCH. I hate myself. I wanna die.

Love, Rainy

Sandwich butterfly

Elliot gets artsy

Four down.

So week 4 was a traveling week. A week full of adventure, clinging limpets, late nights, early mornings, wet beds and smelly feet. Happy to report there were no snake sightings and only 1 near-drowning incident per child!

Monday we loaded the car, hung some clean sheets on the line to dry and waiting impatiently for the dishwasher to shut off so we could just go already. Out the door by 10:06, gassed up and hitting the highway by 10:20. I thought for sure Elliot was going to be asleep by 10:24, but he fooled me. Stinker. He'd been up stupid late the night before - got something ridiculous like 8 hours of sleep before our 4+ hour car ride. Pleasant times ahead!

We were going to stop at the half way point for lunch and a playground stint, but Felix was asleep. So we kept going. After he woke up, I took the next off-ramp, into what I thought was a fairly massive community near the highway. Nope. We drove for 30 minutes down a scenic forest road before coming to civilization. Turns out I hadn't been to that town before. Elliot was losing his cool, demanding that the playground show itself. NOW! Finally I found the elementary school, which had a pretty dismal playground. But it was new, so they had fun. So we played, ate and used the potty.

We took the long way back to the car and what did we find on the other side of the school and across the street? The most fantastic play structure EVER! Dude, it was so hard to get them back in the car after this.

Only part of it. There was more behind me and off to each side.

Monday afternoon, when we finally arrived at the lake,  Felix promptly fell off of a big rock and gashed his elbow. I brought 3 packages of bandaids with us and we used most of them through the week! We went swimming and out in a pedal boat and had a BBQ. It was nice. No one wanted to sleep that night. So we had another late one.

Tuesday was gray and rainy. We went for a long walk, had lunch and a nap (YES!) and then headed in to visit the firefighter's museum and get some groceries. Mundane, routine stuff, really.

Wednesday, oh we had such plans. I left the boys with my aunt for a few hours and went to visit my sister, who is an esthetician. She prettied my toes and removed a bunch of unwanted hair. Then we went to get the boys and drove an hour and a half to an amusement park. Felix had a screaming nap. My sister had to drive so I could hold his hand. Elliot desperately needed one, but he wouldn't close his eyes. And the amusement park was closed because it was still sprinkling. An outside, summer park, closed due to rain??? We were a ticked off group, for sure.

Listening to the iPod and not napping.

Wednesday night, we moved over to cabin #2. Just us, deep in the woods on another lake. Again, the boys wouldn't sleep at bedtime. I think it was 10:45 before they finally passed out. And then the anxiety attack happened. I spent a solid chunk of time imagining all the horrible things that were sure to happen to us when a band of nasties broke into the cabin while we innocently dreamed. Sleep was fleeting for me.

Thursday Felix turned 3! We had a full day, including 2 breakfasts, a swim instead of a nap, a boat ride - all 3 of us in a kayak around the lake!....Elliot fell off a flutter board and scared himself silly, but thankfully he had the life jacket on. And was only in water up to his waist. Then we painted rocks in the backyard, went out for supper and then went to the beach. I love the beach.

Friday had a nice visit from a friend and her 2 little boys. We took some little boats down to the lake and my boys jumped right in, of course. Sans life jackets. They were wading around and I was heading back up to the cabin to fetch some flotation things when Felix ran into trouble. The water over his face kind. Had to change my clothes after that one. I hate drying out leather sandals!

We made it home in time for supper that night. It was sooooo nice to be home!! But it was a great trip. I liked the change in routine, the lack of schedule, the freedom to do what we wanted. Though I did find it challenging to just go with the flow. I kept urging the boys on, asking them to hurry up, then realizing we weren't on the clock. I especially loved eating whatever I wanted, but hated the pound and a half I gained in 5 days. Oops. Lucky it wasn't more, with all the marshmallows for breakfast and cheezies for lunch. Oh, and that large chocolate bar. And box of dark chocolate mint cookies. And..... yeah. You get the point.

Despite (or because of) our 'relaxing' week away, I'm burning out. Emotionally, mentally, physically exhausted. I don't want to be touched (by anyone), my nerves are shot, my temper is quick. I need to keep it together. For everyone's sake.

Missed the details of our summer vacation so far? Well catch up, already! Weeks 1, 2 and 3