Friday, May 20, 2011

Bedtime Stories

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind.

April 9, 1993

DD,

Hi! There was a sock hop yesterday. I didn't dance with K but I almost did, At the very almost end of the sock hop they're supposed to have a slow song but they didn't. Right before the song woulda come on, K started follwoing me around. When a fast song came on K cut out ahead of me, then turned around and bumped my arm. (If that fast song had of been slow, we woulda been dancing!!!) Then, after school I went to Kye & Clare's on K's bus! On the bus, JT sat with him. She yelled out to me "You like him, right?" I go "Yeah!" & turned around really fast!!! Clare said K looked at me & smiled.
Fun! Fun! Fun!
There is a dance on the 16!!!
Gotta Go!
Later, Rainy


April 27, 1993

DD,

It's snowing!!!!!! It's almost May &  it's snowing!

The dance was a flop. Only about 150 people showed up, there was 1 guy runnin' the dance, so K was helpin' with the lights. When he didn't have to work them (most slow songs) i couldn't ask him to dance. I don't know what it was, i just couldn't. When i finally did get enough nerve, he WAS DANCIN' WITH SOMEONE ELSE!! Not fair. He looked me right in the eye. I went up to the bleachers & cried. (It was the last song.)
Anyway. I wrote him another note on Friday... he wasn't in school, so I gave it to M to give to him. She forgot. She's supposed to give it to him today. Today I wrote him ANOTHER note. He was with a bunch of people at noon i gave it to T to give to him on the bus. She better not forget. In that note, I all but asked him to go to the prom with me. (i asked if he was goin' to it with anyone & said i wasn't sure if i was 'cause i didn't have anyone to go with, plus i didn't want to go alone like i did last year 'cause it was really boring ... it was.)
I watched him play floor hockey yesterday. He's really good (i told him so in the note) i signed up for floor hockey, too. (i told him that too.) When he plays (i was almost directly behind him) he bends over a lot. He's got a really nice ASS!!

Gotta Go!
Rainy.

4 comments:

Shannon said...

where does your name Rainy come from? it's cute. Is it related to the name of your blog?
I think all of us had that teenage angst. With prom approaching for many teens i can't help but feel nervous for them. god that stuff is nerve racking!!

Rainyday said...

My diary entries we all started DD (instead of Dear Diary) and I signed them all Gotta Go! Later, and then my name. Since my blog uses mostly Rainy or Rainyday as my persona, I just substituted it in here instead of my actual name, which is Aimee. Rainy would be a pretty name, I think. I know several people named Rain...

As for my blog name, we were having a string of rainy days when I first started it. That coupled with the PPD I had made me crave lots of chocolate. (Still does!) And so Chocolate on a Rainy Day was born.

Ahhh teen angst. So dramatic and so very real for all of us at the time.

Alicia said...

These weren't as bad as I thought they'd be. Cringe-y, I mean. Man, I can remember some of my writing from around the same time. HORRIFYING.

Rainyday said...

Oh, there are plenty more. Thought I'd start off tame. It was also hard to find one where I wasn't throwing every curse word I knew at my mom or other members of my family!

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