In early November, we jumped right into a potty training intervention for Elliot. Straight to big boy undies, too. He wasn't balking at the idea, but he wasn't showing much interest, either. By the end of day 1, we'd caught 5 pees and lost 1 on the couch. Day 2 he went to daycare, but there were 2 accidents before we got out of the house that morning and 2 more while at daycare. Day 3 was pretty good - but he was in a pull-up due to errands and a new babysitter. Day 4 was another daycare day and there were 4 accidents. And an elusive poop on the toilet! Poor boy had been holding it since day 1 and was pretty sore.
By day 5, he was starting to tell us when he needed to go pee. And then he pretty much became a bladder master - during awake hours, that is. He's still in a diaper at night and a pull-up at nap time.
Catching a poop is another issue entirely. There will be days where it seems that every 10 minutes he's frantically saying he needs to poop and we race to the potty or toilet and he sits there and tenses up and sucks in for anywhere from 10 seconds to 20 minutes and nothing comes out. And he'll do this for daaaaays until he has an "accident" in his underwear. And then he slyly says "Ohhhh, we missed it." Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
It's a work in progress - there's been much work and much progress. And it can only improve with age. I hope!
Showing posts with label cloth diapers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cloth diapers. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
CD older child update
Sooooo, we started using either 2 regular inserts or 1 new Green Acres Designs OS insert with Elliot's Fuzzi Bunz, and hey, what do you know? No more leaks! It's pretty cool.
Now, if only he'd show an interest in potty training.
Now, if only he'd show an interest in potty training.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
CDing the older child
At nearly 3 years old and 34 lbs, Elliot's mainly in Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers these days. He's in daycare 2 days a week and wears disposables there. He also wears disposables at night. I'm debating putting him in 'sposies full time now. I don't really want to, as we've been CDing since he was a newborn and it just seems to defeat the purpose, but, if he's in a FB when we go out, they leak. Every time. It's the way he sits in the stroller, or walks or something. I can usually get 2-3 hours out of him before it's time for a change, but when we're out, it's 1-2, max, and usually involves a huge leak and a change of pants. So I've taken to putting him in 'sposies when we leave the house, too. And he fights changes something wicked. He can go all day in 2-4 disposables, depending on how many times he poops.
I'm researching other CDs that are good for toddlers. He's outgrown the large Sandys diapers that I also like - but I know they have toddler size and may look into that. I was just hoping to not have to restock a bunch of CDs at this age. I'm also trying to find different inserts to stuff the FBs with that might be more absorbent. I'm sure the current (original) insert is partly at fault, but the dipes themselves are fitting differently now, too. I don't like using hemp inserts, as I find they really stink over time, but maybe I've just been using the wrong kind? But hemp or bamboo would probably be the most absorbent, while still staying trim fitting. I've seen a microfiber/hemp combo that might work. Or maybe I just need a thicker, fresher microfiber...
Ugh, I don't want to give in and go to disposables, but they're so easy. And mostly leak proof. But stopping CDs now might give him that much more incentive to stay in diapers. So far, he's been refusing potty training. I'm too exhausted and busy chasing Felix to push him, plus I don't want to push him too hard. I figure he'll be ready when he's ready. (Though I know I missed the best window - it was at the same time Felix was born. That's when Elliot showed the most interest in PTing. He peed on the potty a few times and even asked to go once when we were in the mall - and did, when I rushed him to the family washroom. But then after that, he'd ask to go when we were out, we'd rush there and get all ready, then he'd say "Not today. Maybe tomorrow.")
For recent potty training, I've tried taking diapers away and letting him go naked around the house (and tried fun boy print underwear) but he fights it. He threw the potty at me one day. Thankfully, it was empty at the time. I thought with the warmer weather he'd be interested in running around the backyard naked, but no dice there, either. (Except in the wading pool - he demands to be naked there, and yesterday he told me that his "penis peed a lot" while he was in the water. A start, I guess.)
At least I feel semi-ok about the disposable diapers he uses now: a new, store brand dipe, the PC Green diapers that are fragrance free and made with wood pulp. They are a reasonable price, too... but I think they're mostly reasonable because we're not using them full time. His size comes in a pack of 40 for $16. They were on sale this week, for $12.99, so we stocked up...
I'm researching other CDs that are good for toddlers. He's outgrown the large Sandys diapers that I also like - but I know they have toddler size and may look into that. I was just hoping to not have to restock a bunch of CDs at this age. I'm also trying to find different inserts to stuff the FBs with that might be more absorbent. I'm sure the current (original) insert is partly at fault, but the dipes themselves are fitting differently now, too. I don't like using hemp inserts, as I find they really stink over time, but maybe I've just been using the wrong kind? But hemp or bamboo would probably be the most absorbent, while still staying trim fitting. I've seen a microfiber/hemp combo that might work. Or maybe I just need a thicker, fresher microfiber...
Ugh, I don't want to give in and go to disposables, but they're so easy. And mostly leak proof. But stopping CDs now might give him that much more incentive to stay in diapers. So far, he's been refusing potty training. I'm too exhausted and busy chasing Felix to push him, plus I don't want to push him too hard. I figure he'll be ready when he's ready. (Though I know I missed the best window - it was at the same time Felix was born. That's when Elliot showed the most interest in PTing. He peed on the potty a few times and even asked to go once when we were in the mall - and did, when I rushed him to the family washroom. But then after that, he'd ask to go when we were out, we'd rush there and get all ready, then he'd say "Not today. Maybe tomorrow.")
For recent potty training, I've tried taking diapers away and letting him go naked around the house (and tried fun boy print underwear) but he fights it. He threw the potty at me one day. Thankfully, it was empty at the time. I thought with the warmer weather he'd be interested in running around the backyard naked, but no dice there, either. (Except in the wading pool - he demands to be naked there, and yesterday he told me that his "penis peed a lot" while he was in the water. A start, I guess.)
At least I feel semi-ok about the disposable diapers he uses now: a new, store brand dipe, the PC Green diapers that are fragrance free and made with wood pulp. They are a reasonable price, too... but I think they're mostly reasonable because we're not using them full time. His size comes in a pack of 40 for $16. They were on sale this week, for $12.99, so we stocked up...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Intro
This will be VERRRY long. (Abbreviations, in case they are confusing: CD = cloth diaper. BF = breast feeding)
We started with prefolds and covers when Elliot was 5 weeks old and they worked really well when he was small. This is the least expensive CDing option, as you go through many dipes in those early days - at least 12, usually more, in a 24 hour period. We fastened them with a Snappi and I found they held in those explosive BF poos well enough. He grew fast though, and the next size prefolds didn't fold down small enough for me. We then moved on to Mother-Ease One Size diapers and covers (I LOVE the ME airflow covers - so light and they fit well and dry fast. I'm not a fan of Bummis covers, as they are stiff and they smelled and they ended up leaking quickly. But they have such cute prints!)
I then moved him into the ME Sandys diapers, which I've found to be much more absorbent and leak-proof than the one-size. You still need a cover with these. They come in small and large sizes and are based on the child's weight. With Felix, I skipped the prefolds and started using Small Sandys diapers and covers almost right away. LOVED them! The odd time I did use a prefold, I was able to put the Mother Ease cover over it with no problems.
We also have a good supply of Fuzzi Bunz sized pocket diapers. These didn't work so well when the boys were small and had those BF poops - it would run right out the legs, which surprised me since their thighs were both so chunky and the diaper was done up as tight as possible and seemed to fit really well. But they work great now. I love how trim they are! And, the pocket allows you to customize the absorbency by added different types of inserts. (Great for overnight!) Pockets are more expensive, but they don't need a cover. Most come in sizes, so you have to buy a new size as your child grows. We only had 1 small FB, and then 10-14 medium and 8-10 large ones in our rotation. Though, there are new Fuzzi Bunz One-Size dipes now!
We had a few Bum Genius pockets, which velcro closed. These diapers are a one-size diaper - they snap down to a small size for infants and open up bigger for older children. I prefer them for younger babies. I like them, except that they are super expensive in Canada. For fit and absorption, I prefer Fuzzi Bunz. In fact, I ended up selling all my BGs and won't buy any new ones, even if they were cheaper. The velcro wore out very quickly. The diaper actually fell off Elliot once, as he was walking outside, because the weight of the wet dipe (and it wasn't excessive!) caused the velcro to let go. Oops.
The most recent diaper I tried with Felix is an AMP diaper. The pocket is in the front instead of at the back, which makes it easier to get the insert out of a poopy diaper! They fit well, too, and I like the gusseting at the legs and around the waist. I am discovering that they aren't as absorbent as the Fuzzi Bunz, though. They will leak sooner. Another draw back is that the fleece tends to roll out at the legs/waist, which can cause wicking into the clothes. This seems to be created by the extra fabric remaining on the other side of the gusset - it's too long and flips easily. Disappointing.
I tried Happy Heinys when Elliot was small and didn't like them - too leaky and I wasn't able to get them tight enough. I know that HH is now making a one-size diaper and it looks like it might have a better fit to it, though, which is good. We also tried the very pricey Berry Plush AIO (all-in-one), which was cozy and ultra-soft, but again, not great for liquidy BF poops.) I tried a Thirsties AIO pocket with Felix and it worked well, but it was too small so I didn't get to try it for long.
We used flushable bio-liners when the nastier poops started when we introduced solid foods. It made clean up a lot easier. Otherwise, it's so hard to scrape out of a CD!!! We also use fleece liners (especially overnight, to help wick away moisture), which I dunk in the toilet and swish if necessary, but otherwise go into the laundry with the rest of the diapers.
At first I did a dry pail for pee diapers and kept a wet pail (with a bit of vinegar added to the water) in the basement for poopy dipes. The night before wash day (every 3 days), I would take the dry pail down to the laundry room and fill it with water to soak over night, then drain both pails in the laundry sink the next morning and dump the dipes in the wash.
As Elliot grew, I found that keeping a wet pail makes the dipes smell terrible, even after several washings. They just wouldn't come clean and the poopy water seems to seep deep into the diapers fibres and cling or something. (Note: you can also get tote bags in large and small sizes, which are good for lining the diaper pail or putting in the diaper bag for bringing home soiled dipes.)
So, I stopped soaking my dry pail over night and stopped using a wet pail, and started washing every other day. (The poop pail is a dry pail, except that the diapers are wet when they go in due to the rinsing I give them.) I just dump everything in the wash, do a cold rinse cycle (I have to manually turn the dial to do this, my washer sucks) and then I do a hot wash cycle as normal. I did have to change my detergent from Tide Free and Clear (contains enzymes that build up over time and cause stink in the dipes and a red rash on Elliot) to Nature Clean powder, and finally to Allen's Naturally powder. (I've always found that powdered detergent works best for CDs) And I sun them to dry whenever possible - this is amazing for getting out stains and keeping things fresh. Otherwise, I use the dryer. We don't use dryer sheets (ie bounce) - we have dryer balls. Sheets cause a build up on the diapers and makes them less absorbent.
Now, with both boys in CDs, I wash every other day. It's best to keep the wash load to under 20 diapers (15 is best, I think) and to make sure to wash with the largest water setting, no matter how full the load looks.
Bottom line - for babies, I prefer Sandys with covers, then as they grow out of the small, I love both FuzziBunz pockets and the large Sandys with covers.
Shhhhhhh... secrets: I will admit to now putting both boys in disposables at night. It's a habit I want to break.
We started with prefolds and covers when Elliot was 5 weeks old and they worked really well when he was small. This is the least expensive CDing option, as you go through many dipes in those early days - at least 12, usually more, in a 24 hour period. We fastened them with a Snappi and I found they held in those explosive BF poos well enough. He grew fast though, and the next size prefolds didn't fold down small enough for me. We then moved on to Mother-Ease One Size diapers and covers (I LOVE the ME airflow covers - so light and they fit well and dry fast. I'm not a fan of Bummis covers, as they are stiff and they smelled and they ended up leaking quickly. But they have such cute prints!)
I then moved him into the ME Sandys diapers, which I've found to be much more absorbent and leak-proof than the one-size. You still need a cover with these. They come in small and large sizes and are based on the child's weight. With Felix, I skipped the prefolds and started using Small Sandys diapers and covers almost right away. LOVED them! The odd time I did use a prefold, I was able to put the Mother Ease cover over it with no problems.
We also have a good supply of Fuzzi Bunz sized pocket diapers. These didn't work so well when the boys were small and had those BF poops - it would run right out the legs, which surprised me since their thighs were both so chunky and the diaper was done up as tight as possible and seemed to fit really well. But they work great now. I love how trim they are! And, the pocket allows you to customize the absorbency by added different types of inserts. (Great for overnight!) Pockets are more expensive, but they don't need a cover. Most come in sizes, so you have to buy a new size as your child grows. We only had 1 small FB, and then 10-14 medium and 8-10 large ones in our rotation. Though, there are new Fuzzi Bunz One-Size dipes now!
We had a few Bum Genius pockets, which velcro closed. These diapers are a one-size diaper - they snap down to a small size for infants and open up bigger for older children. I prefer them for younger babies. I like them, except that they are super expensive in Canada. For fit and absorption, I prefer Fuzzi Bunz. In fact, I ended up selling all my BGs and won't buy any new ones, even if they were cheaper. The velcro wore out very quickly. The diaper actually fell off Elliot once, as he was walking outside, because the weight of the wet dipe (and it wasn't excessive!) caused the velcro to let go. Oops.
The most recent diaper I tried with Felix is an AMP diaper. The pocket is in the front instead of at the back, which makes it easier to get the insert out of a poopy diaper! They fit well, too, and I like the gusseting at the legs and around the waist. I am discovering that they aren't as absorbent as the Fuzzi Bunz, though. They will leak sooner. Another draw back is that the fleece tends to roll out at the legs/waist, which can cause wicking into the clothes. This seems to be created by the extra fabric remaining on the other side of the gusset - it's too long and flips easily. Disappointing.
I tried Happy Heinys when Elliot was small and didn't like them - too leaky and I wasn't able to get them tight enough. I know that HH is now making a one-size diaper and it looks like it might have a better fit to it, though, which is good. We also tried the very pricey Berry Plush AIO (all-in-one), which was cozy and ultra-soft, but again, not great for liquidy BF poops.) I tried a Thirsties AIO pocket with Felix and it worked well, but it was too small so I didn't get to try it for long.
We used flushable bio-liners when the nastier poops started when we introduced solid foods. It made clean up a lot easier. Otherwise, it's so hard to scrape out of a CD!!! We also use fleece liners (especially overnight, to help wick away moisture), which I dunk in the toilet and swish if necessary, but otherwise go into the laundry with the rest of the diapers.
At first I did a dry pail for pee diapers and kept a wet pail (with a bit of vinegar added to the water) in the basement for poopy dipes. The night before wash day (every 3 days), I would take the dry pail down to the laundry room and fill it with water to soak over night, then drain both pails in the laundry sink the next morning and dump the dipes in the wash.
As Elliot grew, I found that keeping a wet pail makes the dipes smell terrible, even after several washings. They just wouldn't come clean and the poopy water seems to seep deep into the diapers fibres and cling or something. (Note: you can also get tote bags in large and small sizes, which are good for lining the diaper pail or putting in the diaper bag for bringing home soiled dipes.)
So, I stopped soaking my dry pail over night and stopped using a wet pail, and started washing every other day. (The poop pail is a dry pail, except that the diapers are wet when they go in due to the rinsing I give them.) I just dump everything in the wash, do a cold rinse cycle (I have to manually turn the dial to do this, my washer sucks) and then I do a hot wash cycle as normal. I did have to change my detergent from Tide Free and Clear (contains enzymes that build up over time and cause stink in the dipes and a red rash on Elliot) to Nature Clean powder, and finally to Allen's Naturally powder. (I've always found that powdered detergent works best for CDs) And I sun them to dry whenever possible - this is amazing for getting out stains and keeping things fresh. Otherwise, I use the dryer. We don't use dryer sheets (ie bounce) - we have dryer balls. Sheets cause a build up on the diapers and makes them less absorbent.
Now, with both boys in CDs, I wash every other day. It's best to keep the wash load to under 20 diapers (15 is best, I think) and to make sure to wash with the largest water setting, no matter how full the load looks.
Bottom line - for babies, I prefer Sandys with covers, then as they grow out of the small, I love both FuzziBunz pockets and the large Sandys with covers.
Shhhhhhh... secrets: I will admit to now putting both boys in disposables at night. It's a habit I want to break.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Parenting sucks.
I am furious with Elliot today.
I skipped my stroller strides class this morning as we had a rough night with Felix (who has a fever and is super congested yet again) and couldn't get out the door on time. But we still headed to the mall. On the way there, there is a little green space park - paths and walkways in between people's houses, etc. It's nice and sheltered and quiet. I generally let Elliot out of the stroller to walk there as it's safe.
Today, he walked nicely most of the way then high tailed it down a path into someone's back yard. I cut through the bushes too, calling after him that we needed to stay on the path, it was not our yard and that he needed to come back. He ran faster, giggling. I started running and yelling that there was a ROAD UP AHEAD - ELLIOT STOP NOW! In my stern voice. (Which of course woke up Felix who was napping, strapped to my chest in the Ergo.) Nope, he ran right out into it and down about a house length and into someone else's yard, where I caught up with him. I told him I was very angry, that it wasn't safe to run into the road and that he's not to run away from me. And marched him back to the stroller where he had to ride the rest of the way.
We got to the mall and I kept my word from last week that we'd get the dinosaur mall stroller, the upstairs we went for coffee and to meet up with a friend. I let Elliot out of the stroller to sit with us at the table. He was very good and I gave him a bit of freedom (bad move on my part) by letting him throw our trash in the garbage about 20 feet away. Soon after, he got down from the table and ran away giggling through the food court. I chased him and saw a woman reach out to scoop him up for me - turns out I know her, so we chatted for a bit after I talked to Elliot again, me holding him in my arms the whole time. Then he got marched back to the stroller and buckled in.
Then it was time for diaper changes, so we went down to the nursing room in Sears. The room was occupied, so we used the room next to it that has a bed (for those elderly shoppers who collapse? I guess) and a small washroom attached. Turns out Elliot's cloth diaper leaked all through his pants and I didn't have a spare pair. Then he went toddler-wild while I changed Felix's unexpected poop, tearing the blankets of the bed and jumping and such.
Even in the midst of crazytown, I still snapped a couple of pics:
I put Elliot back in the stroller (in a disposable diaper, socks and shirt) while we went out to shop for a new pair of pants. He took his socks off and threw them on the floor. He managed to get out of the stroller and ran through Sears, I only caught up with him in the portrait studio on the other side. Luckily, my friend was still with me, so Felix was safe back in the clothing department.
Another big lecture and a smack on the bum for that one. Got him new pants (several more escape attempts, including hitting/biting me while I carried him from rack to rack.) Pants on, paid for, then we headed home.
I'm so angry at him, and myself. I know I handled it wrong, but honestly don't know what I should have done. Well, I should have just gone home after he ran from me on the way there, but I needed to pick stuff up and didn't want to punish everyone (and the friend I was meeting).
I've tried stern voice, calm voice, loud voice, quiet voice, spanking (1 light swat on bum) hand smacking, forced confinement in the stroller, time out corners, rationalizing, withholding things (you threw your cookie so you're not getting another one, etc).
I don't want to hit my kids. I hate that I've resorted to it. Obviously it doesn't work and Elliot's hitting back, so he's already learned that bad behavior from me. How can he learn not to hit if I smack him? Bad, bad parenting. Not the way I ever envisioned my parenting methods.
I have been consistent for the most part, and escalated when he wouldn't listen, except that now he just won't listen. Some of it is typical toddler boundary pushing - hell, most of it is - but he finds it funny.
We're not going out without his backpack leash again. I just don't trust him. He needs to earn back that trust. But I hate taking away his freedom. He likes to run - I like to let him run where it's safe. I try to provide places and outlets where he can run free and explore.
I am so close to giving up and becoming a hermit which will likely result in me being on the news with a headline about psycho mama goes apeshit and children are found in the freezer, etc.
I'll bet this morning was a combination of sugary foods, likely poor sleep (he was awake at 6am, an hour earlier than usual), typical toddler acts and a cranky, tired, mama. Knowing that doesn't make it easier to deal with. I still need to find a way to make him know that pushing those boundaries (running away) isn't tolerable.
He had an ok breakfast, but it was a bit high on sugar: honeynut cheerios, milk, honeydew melon. (Not too far off his usual breakfast, but not as substantial. Note to self: switch to plain cheerios or something else) While in the mall, he had 1/2 a raisin bran muffin, grapes, honeydew melon, cheese, shreddies, cheerios, raisins and a blueberry nutragrain bar. He fell asleep in the stroller on the way home, sometime before 12:30 and slept until 4. (I managed to transfer him to his bed and he stayed asleep)
Since waking up, he's had a piece of toast with peanut butter cut into the shape of a gingerbread man, 2/3rds of a banana, milk, water, cheese, grapes, and a bean & sweet potato burrito. Supper is in an hour and I doubt he'll eat much!
Ugh. I need a drink. Or a spa vacation.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Firsts
Such a lovely day today. It took forever for the sun to come out, but when it did, I hung out the diapers while Jay took Elliot for a walk around the block before lunch.
Elliot had a good nap, then we went outside to watch Jay mow the lawn. Elliot dragged out his toy mower and helped, then put all of his outside toys in a line. Then Jay's dad came and picked up Elliot and took him away for the rest of the afternoon!
Grammy & Grampy Silver had a huge pile of dirt in their yard and they said it was very hard to get Elliot out of it when it came time for supper!
Meanwhile, Jay, Felix and I joined the neighbours in their backyard for an impromptu BBQ. Felix had fun dragging himself around their lawn and rolling balls back and forth. Then, he climbed up the 3 steps to their deck. A first for Felix! He's eyed up our steps at home many times, but has only gone so far as to pull himself up to standing at the foot of them. It will be interesting to see what he does the next time he sees them. I remember going out to a movie with Jay when Elliot was about 8 months old. When we came home, Grampy Silver said "Wow, he's sure good on stairs!" Jay and I looked at each other, shocked. Until then, he hadn't climbed them. The baby gate went up the next day.
They brought Elliot home a little after 7 and we slooowly made our way back to our yard and got the boys inside for bath time. Poor Felix had been awake for 5 hours at this point, but he was in a surprisingly good mood. (Refused a third afternoon nap) He crashed pretty quickly while nursing after his bath.
Ahhh. Time to sit, maybe watch some TV. Wine's all gone. Too bad - will have to make sure to pick some up tomorrow.
Elliot had a good nap, then we went outside to watch Jay mow the lawn. Elliot dragged out his toy mower and helped, then put all of his outside toys in a line. Then Jay's dad came and picked up Elliot and took him away for the rest of the afternoon!
Grammy & Grampy Silver had a huge pile of dirt in their yard and they said it was very hard to get Elliot out of it when it came time for supper!
Meanwhile, Jay, Felix and I joined the neighbours in their backyard for an impromptu BBQ. Felix had fun dragging himself around their lawn and rolling balls back and forth. Then, he climbed up the 3 steps to their deck. A first for Felix! He's eyed up our steps at home many times, but has only gone so far as to pull himself up to standing at the foot of them. It will be interesting to see what he does the next time he sees them. I remember going out to a movie with Jay when Elliot was about 8 months old. When we came home, Grampy Silver said "Wow, he's sure good on stairs!" Jay and I looked at each other, shocked. Until then, he hadn't climbed them. The baby gate went up the next day.
They brought Elliot home a little after 7 and we slooowly made our way back to our yard and got the boys inside for bath time. Poor Felix had been awake for 5 hours at this point, but he was in a surprisingly good mood. (Refused a third afternoon nap) He crashed pretty quickly while nursing after his bath.
Ahhh. Time to sit, maybe watch some TV. Wine's all gone. Too bad - will have to make sure to pick some up tomorrow.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Day in the park
We went to see a specialist about Felix's hemangioma today. Feel much better since the doctor confirmed we've been handling the bleeds correctly: applying pressure, putting cream on to moisturize the skin/loosen any scabs. He likened the hemangioma to a honeycomb. It's full of blood vessels, but there are also blood pockets - when he scrapes it, the pocket that's been hit will well up alarmingly, but should stop bleeding quickly. There's no pulse to the spot, which means it doesn't have a steady supply of blood being pumped through it, so that means he shouldn't bleed out in the night.
After the appointment, we went for a walk in the public gardens. Felix was in a good mood, so I got a coffee and we stopped at a bench while I read my book and fed him little bits of cracker. Then I changed his diaper on a bench, letting the sunshine and warm breeze hit his skin for a bit while he looked at the big purple flowering shrub behind us.
Got some groceries on the way home, had a nap, did a few dishes and made supper. Then went to pick up Elliot from daycare. A nice, full day.
Tomorrow has us going back to the clinic at the hospital to see a different specialist about Felix's persistently infected ingrown toenails. Which are currently healed and the nails are falling off. I hope this means we've reached the end of the infections and pain for him. Hopefully that's what the surgeon will tell us, too. I feel silly for going, but I know if I don't, the infection will come back twice as bad next week!
Will have both boys with me tomorrow. That could be a gong show! Planning to take the double jogging stroller I bought before I was pregnant with Felix. It's been in storage for a loooong time. We dig it out a few days ago and had to replace one of the tubes in the tire - there was a shard of metal that punctured the new tube over and over. It's all good now, and I can't wait to get them both out in it!
After the appointment, we went for a walk in the public gardens. Felix was in a good mood, so I got a coffee and we stopped at a bench while I read my book and fed him little bits of cracker. Then I changed his diaper on a bench, letting the sunshine and warm breeze hit his skin for a bit while he looked at the big purple flowering shrub behind us.
Got some groceries on the way home, had a nap, did a few dishes and made supper. Then went to pick up Elliot from daycare. A nice, full day.
Tomorrow has us going back to the clinic at the hospital to see a different specialist about Felix's persistently infected ingrown toenails. Which are currently healed and the nails are falling off. I hope this means we've reached the end of the infections and pain for him. Hopefully that's what the surgeon will tell us, too. I feel silly for going, but I know if I don't, the infection will come back twice as bad next week!
Will have both boys with me tomorrow. That could be a gong show! Planning to take the double jogging stroller I bought before I was pregnant with Felix. It's been in storage for a loooong time. We dig it out a few days ago and had to replace one of the tubes in the tire - there was a shard of metal that punctured the new tube over and over. It's all good now, and I can't wait to get them both out in it!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Musings
I need some structure to my life. Some creativity. I need to get back into writing. Into living. Into doing something that doesn't involve changing diapers and having children strapped to me or screaming at me or running circles around me. I love my boys, but they need a sane mama, and I'm not-so-slowly and very surely heading down the road to a Very Bad Place.
So I turn to Blogging. I haven't kept a diary since I was a teenager. I still have the last diary I wrote. I labeled it "Bedtime Stories" and kept it on my bookshelf. It's one of those flimsy lock & key styles, white with a winter scene on the front. What did I write in there? What was so important? I read Jay a passage from it when I was pregnant. Some rant from when I was under 18 where I'd spent pages writing about how I wanted a baby. Someone to love and who would love me back, I think were the exact words I used. Jay found it frightening and amusing that I wanted a baby for so long. That I put it into my diary.
Then I had that baby. Granted, it took nearly 10 years before actually making that baby. I never said I was a stupid teenager! I loved being pregnant with Elliot. Loved my big belly. For the first time in my life, I loved how I looked, how I felt. It was nothing short of magical. Even towards the end, when I was full of aches and pains and wasn't sleeping well and was so cranky... I loved it.
Imagine my surprise when I was pregnant with Felix and it didn't feel as wonderful. Everything hurt sooner. I was sicker. Jay went away for the whole first trimester so I was parenting a toddler by myself, sick as a dog. I showed early. Stayed sick well into the second trimester. Ended up back at work because Jay had been laid off, worked my butt off and then landed in the hospital at 30 weeks when my water broke. Ended up on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. (And, oh yes, he was 10 days overdue!) I was miserable. But I still had a fondness for my big baby belly. I miss it.
Where was I?
Oh yes. Structure. Creativity. Life.
I spend my days chasing the boys around. Spending waaaay too much time in front of the computer messing around, losing patience with the kids and dreading nap time. It's a battle to get them both down for a nap. Nevermind both - it's getting one down while the other is still awake and shrieking in the next room. I. Hate. It.
No wonder I drink. And suck chocolate into my body like oxygen. I seriously don't even taste the stuff anymore. Stupid addictive personality.
Today, I polished off a 100g Organic Milk Chocolate & Almond bar in nanoseconds while preparing supper. And still craved more. I'm forcing myself to sip my "the boys are in bed - end of day" celebratory wine so that it can last, but I want to guzzle it like the chocolate.
I'm hoping words can soothe me. That if I write long enough I can make sense of everything and find some peace and balance again. That maybe I can wean myself off the antidepressants that I need to be a sane & happy & non-yelling mama. (And yes, I know I shouldn't be drinking while on meds, but it's one glass, so there.)
Well, it's a start. A jumbled, convoluted mess of words, but it's a start.
So I turn to Blogging. I haven't kept a diary since I was a teenager. I still have the last diary I wrote. I labeled it "Bedtime Stories" and kept it on my bookshelf. It's one of those flimsy lock & key styles, white with a winter scene on the front. What did I write in there? What was so important? I read Jay a passage from it when I was pregnant. Some rant from when I was under 18 where I'd spent pages writing about how I wanted a baby. Someone to love and who would love me back, I think were the exact words I used. Jay found it frightening and amusing that I wanted a baby for so long. That I put it into my diary.
Then I had that baby. Granted, it took nearly 10 years before actually making that baby. I never said I was a stupid teenager! I loved being pregnant with Elliot. Loved my big belly. For the first time in my life, I loved how I looked, how I felt. It was nothing short of magical. Even towards the end, when I was full of aches and pains and wasn't sleeping well and was so cranky... I loved it.
Imagine my surprise when I was pregnant with Felix and it didn't feel as wonderful. Everything hurt sooner. I was sicker. Jay went away for the whole first trimester so I was parenting a toddler by myself, sick as a dog. I showed early. Stayed sick well into the second trimester. Ended up back at work because Jay had been laid off, worked my butt off and then landed in the hospital at 30 weeks when my water broke. Ended up on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. (And, oh yes, he was 10 days overdue!) I was miserable. But I still had a fondness for my big baby belly. I miss it.
Where was I?
Oh yes. Structure. Creativity. Life.
I spend my days chasing the boys around. Spending waaaay too much time in front of the computer messing around, losing patience with the kids and dreading nap time. It's a battle to get them both down for a nap. Nevermind both - it's getting one down while the other is still awake and shrieking in the next room. I. Hate. It.
No wonder I drink. And suck chocolate into my body like oxygen. I seriously don't even taste the stuff anymore. Stupid addictive personality.
Today, I polished off a 100g Organic Milk Chocolate & Almond bar in nanoseconds while preparing supper. And still craved more. I'm forcing myself to sip my "the boys are in bed - end of day" celebratory wine so that it can last, but I want to guzzle it like the chocolate.
I'm hoping words can soothe me. That if I write long enough I can make sense of everything and find some peace and balance again. That maybe I can wean myself off the antidepressants that I need to be a sane & happy & non-yelling mama. (And yes, I know I shouldn't be drinking while on meds, but it's one glass, so there.)
Well, it's a start. A jumbled, convoluted mess of words, but it's a start.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
