Premonitions

So I'm setting up for it to be a fat and sweet summer.

The boys are gaga over these two books. I've had to drag Elliot out of the cupboard twice now - all he wants to do is pull down all of the the sprinkles and decorating supplies and get them set up in individual cups that would rival a Martha Stewart spread. Felix just wants ducks. I'm holding out as long as I can, but I know my days are numbered - I did buy the books, afterall. And then the sweet, sweet cuteness will be all mine. Maybe I should start doing an extra workout on the treadmill everyday now, so I can (over)indulge later.

In addition to fat and sweet, I sense our summer is going to be dirty.

Spent the morning in the backyard with Elliot today. We scrubbed out the wading pool, filled it and dragged the slide over to make bigger splashes. In the giant bare patch the pool made last year (hot plastic in the same spot for a few days = no grass and lots of dirt. The upside is no weeds there, either!) It's the perfect spot for mudpies. And mudbaths. We may charge admission.

I also spy lots of adventure over the summer.

Elliot has got it in his head that we're going to go berry picking. (Ok, I may or may not have put that thought there. But we'll need to corral Felix. I remember many a summer spent at the strawberry u-pick after my mother had convinced the attendant that we were good kids and good pickers. Felix is not. I may not even going to consider it this year!) Elliot is desperate to go pick our own blueberries, strawberries, raspberries and blackberries. Luckily, we have several prolific raspberry bushes in our very own backyard, but there will be many day trips planned this summer, since we finally have a car! Trips to the farm. The beach. Camping. (Yes, we're actually going to brave the wilderness with our feral children and a tent. We're going to outsmart them, though, and maybe stay in a cabin somewhere for our first excursion.)

The countdown is on. The boys have 13 days of daycare left between now and the end of the month. I'm going to use the time to catch up on my reading and bookkeeping and appointments and then it begins. I'm kinda giddy thinking about it now, not simply terrified. It's been a while since I had them both home with me for any length of time. It didn't end well last time. But I've had an upswing in my moods lately. Might be the SUN that's finally here after more than a month of rain, could be that the PPD is finally, truly gone. Whatever it is, i'mma embrace it!

Do you understand?

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me!




August 8, 1993
DD,

I saw J again today. We were at Carla's, watching the slides (pictures) fr. the camping trip. Me & J didn't really talk. We sorta exchanged smiles & that was all.

I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately. I've read a few books in which people have "done themselves in". When I read about it, I can sympathize with the victim. I understand 'WHY'! It's scary. I think this is the start of another depression. I'm getting good at these. They only show on the inside.  Me and mom have been fighting lately. She doesn't understand that I'm growing up. I don't wanna fight with her. I love her. There. I said it. I haven't for 3-4 years. I can't. I won't. She'll get all weepy  & say something dumb so I'll wish I never said a thing.

I feel like crying as I write this. I've felt like that a lot, too. But I just can't bring myself to cry. I wish I had someone to talk to. But who? Not mom. Or my friends. They wouldn't understand. No one could. Besides, I don't even know how to start or what to say.

I wish I was dead... or... I dunno. NOT HERE. I'm gonna leave as soon as I can. I'd take off now, but I wouldn't know where to go. Mom would be so mad. She wouldn't understand.

I wish I had a boyfriend. Or someone! I feel all alone. Maybe I should get a shrink. Maybe not. I have so many emotions inside I can't let them out. They're so jumbled now I can't tell what kind they are. If I'm not careful, they'll pop out & no one will understand them anymore - I'll just get in trouble. But they're eating me inside. Causing depressions. Causing suicidal thoughts. I'd better stop writing & got to bed before I do something.

Love, Rainy

Hairy Wee Wee

Ahhh that Elliot, he's such a clown. Picked him up a bit early from daycare on Friday. We went to the grocery store which is next to Felix's daycare to buy some naan bread. On the walk across the parking lot to go get Felix, Elliot started singsong chanting, "Hairy Wee WEE!" Over and over and over. I asked him what he meant and he said the song was about a cat named Harry who was very hairy and who meowed a strange way, saying wee wee instead of miaow miaow.

Suuuuuuuuuuure.

Great. Just great. And he kept that up until we got all the way to Felix's room.

Chalk-nose, dirty ditty singing boy

Belated

May 14, 2008 - out walking with a friend and my water broke. I was only 30 weeks pregnant and freaking out. Went to the hospital and heard the words "textbook ferning" and "nicu preemie". Things resealed and I went on bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy. Felix was 10 days over due in the end. Stinker.

May 15, 2009 - Chocolate on a Rainy Day was born!

May 16, 2010 - We start looking into private schools for Elliot, who went through psychological testing to show that he's a smartypants. In the 99th percentile for cognitive development but waaaaay behind in emotional and social development. Need to get him into a better place with kids his own age to develop the social skills while still keeping him stimulated to learn. Settled on a local preschool, next door to the public school he'll attend in the fall of 2011.

May 14, 2011 - Wedded bliss. Congrats Nanny Sheila and Bill!

May 15, 2011 - Happy 2nd Birthday Chocolate on a Rainy Day!

May 21, 2011 - Happy birthday, hubby!!

Bedtime Stories

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind.

April 9, 1993

DD,

Hi! There was a sock hop yesterday. I didn't dance with K but I almost did, At the very almost end of the sock hop they're supposed to have a slow song but they didn't. Right before the song woulda come on, K started follwoing me around. When a fast song came on K cut out ahead of me, then turned around and bumped my arm. (If that fast song had of been slow, we woulda been dancing!!!) Then, after school I went to Kye & Clare's on K's bus! On the bus, JT sat with him. She yelled out to me "You like him, right?" I go "Yeah!" & turned around really fast!!! Clare said K looked at me & smiled.
Fun! Fun! Fun!
There is a dance on the 16!!!
Gotta Go!
Later, Rainy


April 27, 1993

DD,

It's snowing!!!!!! It's almost May &  it's snowing!

The dance was a flop. Only about 150 people showed up, there was 1 guy runnin' the dance, so K was helpin' with the lights. When he didn't have to work them (most slow songs) i couldn't ask him to dance. I don't know what it was, i just couldn't. When i finally did get enough nerve, he WAS DANCIN' WITH SOMEONE ELSE!! Not fair. He looked me right in the eye. I went up to the bleachers & cried. (It was the last song.)
Anyway. I wrote him another note on Friday... he wasn't in school, so I gave it to M to give to him. She forgot. She's supposed to give it to him today. Today I wrote him ANOTHER note. He was with a bunch of people at noon i gave it to T to give to him on the bus. She better not forget. In that note, I all but asked him to go to the prom with me. (i asked if he was goin' to it with anyone & said i wasn't sure if i was 'cause i didn't have anyone to go with, plus i didn't want to go alone like i did last year 'cause it was really boring ... it was.)
I watched him play floor hockey yesterday. He's really good (i told him so in the note) i signed up for floor hockey, too. (i told him that too.) When he plays (i was almost directly behind him) he bends over a lot. He's got a really nice ASS!!

Gotta Go!
Rainy.

One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish!

Meet Rita and Cha Cha, who most recently made a splash at Nanny's wedding. The boys named the beta fish themselves. Our cats are hungrily eying the little tank as it sits on our mantle. This could be disastrous or a learning experience. Probably both. Fingers crossed, everyone!

Elliot's Rita is blue. Which was an odd pick, since he's gaga over red!

Hidden, Rainy Children

Not MY backyard...

 It's been raining for a month here. I think the weather network said we have had 70 mm of rain in the last week alone. We wake up feeling damp and go to bed clammy. Everyone is cold, cranky and stir crazy. It's not letting up until maybe Thursday when we have only a 20% chance of precipitation - then right back to rain the next day. So the weeds have been flourishing. I have a backyard full of mud and dandelions. Oh, and goutweed. the SARS of weeds. It kills everything and can grow everywhere. Such fun.

One highlight in an otherwise wet and gray string of days was my mom's wedding. It was cloudy and dark and foggy, but it didn't rain - hurray! I left the boys overnight and spent time shuttling family back and forth, running errands, making sandwiches, fixing dresses, kept awake by snoring, drinking wine and champagne, buying more wine and champagne (since I'd left my bottle of Pol Roger NV - the Royal Wedding Champagne in my fridge 45 minutes away, whoops) and eating every manner of foods not on my current diet plan. The morning of the wedding, after some relaxing, girl time, and a mimosa, I drove back into the city to pick up my family, dropped everyone off at the sailing club where the ceremony was to take place, hopped in the groom's car and made a mad dash 10 minutes down the road to throw on my own dress and lace the bride into hers. And drove the wedding party back to the club. On time. Phew!

1 lb away from my mini-goal weight for the wedding

 The boys were flower boys, tossing blue and white petals out of sand buckets down the aisle. They watched the proceedings for a couple of minutes, then high tailed it out of there to go explore. Hubby had to miss most of the short and sweet ceremony, which was followed immediately by champagne toasting and speeches. The boys would dash in, throw a handful of dandelions at the bride or exuberantly throw their arms around the groom's legs, then run back down to the water or out to the lawn. At one point, Felix ran up to them shouting "I love the party!"

They fell asleep in the car on the way home, we managed to transfer them to their beds and they slept for a good 13 hours. This is unheard of! We are now plotting ways to tire them out like that on a daily basis. On the way home from the sailing club, hubby made me turn the car around and go  back so he could snap a shot of the caution sign posted on the side of an old barn that made him giggle:

I often wish my children were hidden.

And so life continues. I'm waiting to hear whether I'm accepted into a new school for September. And if it will be part time or full. And if I need to take the full 2 year program or if I have enough credits to wipe out the first year. And trying to stay away from the peanut m&ms that are singing their sweet song to me. Nine pounds to go before I'm at my goal, peeps. I'm trying hard! Need to keep busy and this rain is not helping, the rain just whispers, "Sleep. You know you want to!"

...GMBOA!

Thanks to all my little cheerleaders, we've made it to the end of the GMBOA and a winner is about to be announced....

Pic nabbed from Sharenator

It was an awfully close contest, but Whimsy wins by 1 point - looks like the GMBOA is heading home for a visit... Thanks for playing everyone! I'm looking forward to filling the box with goodies and sending it back to it's original mama...I think I have big shoes to fill!

And what does that spell?

The GMBOA is coming to a close... tomorrow the winner will be announced. This evening's question is more of a request. What goodies would you like to see in the box? Since my readership is split between Canada and the US, I'm hoping to include some local goodies or trinkets. What just screams Canada to you?

I've had a lovely Mothering Day today. Got to sleep in a bit later than normal (7am) and was allowed to lounge in bed, reading, until I was brought breakfast (an omelet, fruit, tea and toast). Then hubby packed both boys into the stroller and took them to Elliot's gymnastics class. I lounged some more in the quiet house and had a long, hot shower.

That was certainly the highlight of the day. And exactly what I wanted. This afternoon I read a book on the couch while Elliot napped. Felix refused to nap and so he ended up going to the grocery store to buy bread and chips with Jay, and they came home bearing flowers and a practical filing cabinet someone was tossing away. So now I really have no excuse not to get my horrific office space tidied up. Thanks hon.

The witching hour was spent on supper prep and refereeing the boys while they played in the back yard. Oh, and saving worms. Turns out they don't like to be stepped on, clutched tightly in little hands while climbing up the slide and they cannot fly, no matter how far they are flung off the deck. Trying to teach the boys to be kind and gentle to all creatures, but the message just wasn't getting through.

Now the day is coming to a close. The boys are headed up for bathtime, stories, lullabies and much needed rest. Then I'll hop on the treadmill in an effort to burn off the overabundance of calories I've consumed today. (Really, when hubby leaves the house he should put his M&Ms under lock and key.)


So, I pass the floor over to you. Share your Canada stories, your requests, your questions. I'll do my best to answer them. (No we don't all live in igloos, travel by dogsled, eat blubber and/or speak French.) Bonus points to anyone who has any funny/sad/unbelievable stories to share - like the time(s) when I worked in a shoe store and all the tourists were offended that I handed them back their change in local currency.

Pssst: It's not too late to earn points on the previous questions - check them out here and here and here and here and respond accordingly. Make sure you're a follower over at the creamery and then you'll be golden!

Gimme an A!

This is it peeps, we're almost at the end -after today, only 1 question left before a winner is announced!

Yesterday's points go to Whimsy ~ congrats!

Everywhere I look today, I see ads for Mother's Day. Or blog posts about Mother's Day gifts. Or Facebook memes with pictures of mothers. It's everywhere. When I worked in a restaurant years ago, Mother's Day was the biggest day of the year; maybe even more so than New Year's Eve, since we opened early on Mother's Day and kept going for 12 hours and NYE only got a paltry 8. After a few years at the restaurant, the thought of Mother's Day left me with a twitch.

Elliot has told me in confidence that he made me a card but that's it's still drying. I asked him if it was supposed to be a surprise and he sagely responded that the card itself was a surprise, not the fact that there was one.

I remember as a child, wanting to bake cakes or plan breakfast in bed for my mom. This usually worked out, I don't have any memories of chaos or hilarity ensuing during such endeavors.  And these days, well, I tend to give my mom a phone call and leave it at that. It's just not really on my radar. My own bah-humbug. I blame the day full of salads and desserts and little old ladies all dolled up because it was the only time they got to see their (also elderly) children.

But I still love hearing stories of other Mothers' Days, past and present. So today's GMBOA question is brought to you by dear old mom. Remember something hilarious you presented your mom with? Did it all go horrible wrong - or right? Or are you in that receiving stage yourself? Do share!

And have yourself a relaxing and special Mother's Day tomorrow! Check out these blogs posts for some special reading: Less Cake, More Frosting, MotherhoodWTF, Pregnant Chicken

Pssst: It's not too late to earn points on the previous questions - check them out here and here and here and respond accordingly. Make sure you're a follower over at the creamery and then you'll be golden!

Gimme an O!

Points to Elizabeth! (And if you haven't checked out her blog yet - what are you waiting for! This girl is funny!) I loved reading everyone's answers to yesterday's question - underhanded compliments seem to seek me out. And I've done many a faux pas of my own... so glad I'm not alone!

I was reading this morning about another blogger's experience in the principal's office. Very timely, because we're headed there this morning.

Elliot isn’t in school yet (come on, September!!!), but his current preschool is concerned, as are we, that he’s going to be labeled in school and that it will follow him forever. His main teacher said that in her twenty years in the daycare/preschool/school system, she's only run into kids like Elliot a few times. And in most cases, things turned out badly. Elliot is an exceptionally bright kid (seriously, we’ve had him tested) but his emotional and social skills are lacking. We were advised to keep him in a program with children his own age so he could learn social skills, but that he needs to be intellectually stimulated or else he'd get bored and act out. He’s sweet and loving and happy, until he gets frustrated, whether is due to being challenged by an art project or a friend or whatever, then all bets are off and he goes feral, jumping on the closest outlet, fists swinging

Oy. There have been parent complaints. And many incident reports.

The preschool is worried that the public school system – even though we’re in one of the best districts in our city – won’t have the time or resources to handle him and that it will all go badly, quickly.
Hence the meeting today. And we’re waiting for a meeting with the director at a private school. ($$$$$ ouch, but worth it if he flourishes.) I'm even thinking about home schooling him, but that will do squat for the socializing part. And I reallllly don't think I'm cut out for home schooling. I was taught that way, for all of grade 1 and part of grade 2, and it was incredibly rough making the switch to public school in grade 3, when all of the cliques and lines had been set. I never did grade primary/kindergarten and I never did finish half of grade 2. My little brother maintains that he will always be smarter than me for that reason.

We've been reading books about spirited children and watching Elliot's diet to see what might be influencing things. (Chocolate/sugar is a huge factor, poor kid. The more frequently he has it, the more frequent the outbursts.) Hubby is recognizing many of his own traits and coping mechanisms being repeated in Elliot, the good and the bad. I guess this is what happens when 2 spirited children grow up, marry each other and start producing more children. For now, Felix seems spared. For now.

So, onto today's GMBOA question... we've talked about self-parenting but what is your parenting technique or style? Do you hover in the helicopter style? Are you free-range? Authoritative? Permissive? Has it changed as your children age? Is it the same style you planned on having, before you had kids? If you aren't a parent, how would you imagine yourself to be? Do you parent your pets?

Pssst: It's not too late to earn points on the previous questions - check them out here and here and respond accordingly. Make sure you're a follower over at the creamery and then you'll be golden!

Gimme a B!

Congrats Kelly on scoring 3 points! I'm awarding 1 point just for posting and 2 points for whichever response strikes my fancy.... stay tuned!

Still struggling with self parenting. Obviously, it's not going to be an overnight fix. And I will have to work on it - looking through to next week, I've scheduled or promised every minute of my time. Most of it is fun stuff, like lunch with a friend. But some is work. Some is boy stuff. And the house ain't gonna clean itself. I'm about to run a bubble bath, so maybe that's something. Of course, the boys will be up to join me before too long. They love it - such a treat for them when I'm in the tub. But it's hardly relaxing.

I took Elliot to the dentist today. The hygienist, who I haven't seen in at least 7 months, gaped at me and asked how I managed to lose the weight, that I looked fantastic. I told her about counting calories and how hard it was and that I hated it because I love to eat and blah blah blah. People must remember me fat, or I must have been a huge cow before because I still don't see the change. Sure, the number on the scale has dropped and my clothes are fitting me different, but I just don't see the change when I look in the mirror. Everyone says that you can really see it in my face. Which must have been rounder than a full moon for them to be so amazed at the difference.

I found a picture of myself from Christmas time. It makes me cringe, mostly because I know my posture is terrible and so I blamed that for the fat. Until I took new pictures tonight in the same outfit. Can you see the difference?

Granted, I'm not hunched over as much...

Posture - it's important!

November 2010

May 2011 - I don't think I lost any weight in my nose.

Which brings me to tonight's GMBOA question. What is the most memorable underhanded compliment you've ever received - or dished out? How did you deal?

Gimme an M!

Phew. Tax season is over and done. Such a relief! I had actually applied to continue working in the off season at the district office (I did last year, all the way up to November.) But I realized that I was stressing myself over it waaaay too much for only being available 2 days per week. It wasn't worth it, so I withdrew the application. Kind of a good thing, since my office leader also applied and was accepted. So now I'm rid of him, too.

I spent today catching up on phone calls - the boys now have dental appointments booked, I got myself back into my locked online credit card account (I apparently didn't read their message about trying twice, then ask to have the password reset. Instead, I kept at it until I got the locked message.) And I called about my school situation in the fall. They haven't gotten back to me yet, but at least I got that ball rolling, sort of.

I also saw my naturopathic doctor today, to talk about the boys and their current non-dairy situation. She agreed that it's time to ease up a touch and so I am now stocked up on goat milk, cheese and yogurt. We'll see how they handle those proteins. It's a risk - in the 3 months they've been off dairy and with all the sicknesses, there haven't been any ear infections. Which I thought was frickin' impossible! But the proteins in goat's milk, while still animal based, are easier to digest that those in cow's milk, so hopefully it will be a safe gamble.

She also had a good talk with me about my weightloss, my mood swings, my mental health, my ongoing furtive sneaking of chocolate. I have issues with self-parenting. I wouldn't let the boys pig out on chocolate or candy before (or instead of) supper. I wouldn't let them laze around, spending the day staring mindless at the tv or computer screen. So why do I let myself do it? I give in, I have no willpower or self-control. If I want it, then I do it/eat it/watch it/drink it...

So my prescription is to spend the next 2 weeks resting and working on self-parenting. Nap whenever I want. Limit myself to 1 square of chocolate a day. Have daily bubble baths. Take it easy on housework and responsibilities. Just relax.

Sounds awesome. We'll see how well I cope with it.

So, in the spirit of the GMBOA (don't know what that is? Check here for a starting point) I'm going to start my questioning off by asking you: How do YOU self-parent? What is your parenting style and is it the same for yourself and your children (if present.) What do you do for yourself?

Tomorrow evening, I will award random points to everyone who responds to my question and will put up a new question. By the end of the week, points will be tallied and a winner will be announced and the Golden Minion Box of Awesomeness will be on it's way to a new home, restocked with goodies just for you.



Huzzah!