Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

This fatigue is hard to describe. I feel numb and useless by 8:30 at night. Sometimes I'll push myself to stay up, doing something brainless like watching TV or site hopping on the computer. There's no way I can do anything productive - like study for class or work on my bookkeeping. When I do go to bed, sometimes I'm out instantly. Sometimes, like last night, I lay there listening to the house for what feels like hours.

The boys are on a super awesome kick of waking up between 5-6 for the day, instead of their old 6:30-7... when I go to bed so early, I'm wide awake at 5am, but it's not an energetic awakening. I just lay there like a lump, trying to go back to sleep. Because I don't want to move. My body is tired. My brain is not. Even when I stay up until 10, 11, 12, I'm still up early with the boys. But that's more of a groggy tired than a numb tired. At least at first.

Today I'm sitting here with the boys, yelling at them for jumping on the couch, for crawling all over me, for wrestling with each other... for anything that's not them sitting like a lump, watching TV. Because that's all I have the energy to do, too. I want to go to bed and stay there all day, reading, dozing, watching TV, staring at nothing.

Is it part depression? Likely. Is it seasonal? Partly. My guess is the biggest culprit is my anemia. I had another B12 shot on December 30th. It takes a few days to kick in, but the next 2 weeks were amazing. I had energy. And more importantly, I had patience with the boys. A week ago I felt the first intense drop in energy. Four days ago the fatigue kicked it. And today I'm a lump.

The easy solution would be to go for another B12 shot. But that's a temporary fix. And I'm trying to wait another week so I can get an accurate reading in my blood draw. If my B12 and other iron-related levels are still low, then we have to look at causes. The food I eat and the supplements I take should be more than enough to boost my stores. Plus, the two B12 shots I've had in the last 7 weeks should have been enough to replenish what's missing. And if not... well, then something else is at play here.

My naturopath wants me tested for celiac disease. A gluten allergy preventing my small intestine from absorbing nutrients. I could be eating the most healthy food around and still be sick, if it is celiac. I've eaten gluten free before as part of the candida plan. I never really noticed a difference, but I was paying more attention to my sugar reactions.

Maybe it has something to do with my thyroid. There is a nodule on it. They say it's fine and benign and it's not effecting my thyroid levels. Except that last summer, those levels dropped. And were low enough over 3 separate blood draws that my doctor put me on synthroid, a synthetic hormone. The anemia was noted during one of those draws. And then ignored (due to the fact that I'd donated blood a week before the test) until recently when a follow up draw showed that while my thyroid levels were fine, there were still issues elsewhere.

Maybe they're related. Maybe there's a bigger picture, something else involved causing both my thyroid and iron stores to fall below normal amounts. But for now, despite my hypochondria tendencies, I'm trying to listen to my doctor's advice and trying to stay away from Dr. Google and all his scare tactics. But it's hard. Because something isn't right and I'm feeling small and swept away. And you know what? I'm too tired to care.

Taking the boys to Mom & Tot Yoga this morning. Hopefully the brisk walk to the studio in today's below zero temperatures will rejuvenate me. And hopefully the boys won't be feral monkeys, causing me to pull us from the remaining classes!