The world according to Elliot...

The cracks in the sidewalk are potion lines. Forget "breaking your mother's back" -  these puppies will turn you into a hippo! But don't worry, simply step on another one to turn yourself back. And carry on.

He is in the possession of an electric eye. It lives in his skull - or sometimes in a cave above his penis - and it can see everything: the moon, the rocks under the dirt, daddy's office from our house, the cookies we supposedly don't have anymore.... It is cleaned with an electric blanket, which he also owns. And no, he won't share.

There are escalators inside his mouth which take the food down to his belly. Now don't you be looking for yours - apparently he has the only ones in the whole world. Oh, and don't worry - there are stings attached to his sides to prevent chaos should he eat while upside down.

Spaghetti night - fit for a king

He is allergic to tomatoes, because he doesn't like them. But only raw and cooked ones. The ones in soup, ketchup, spaghetti & pizza sauce are a-ok.

When Felix was a newborn, he was a "tiny little boner".

He is in charge of everything that has to do with his body. Heaven help you if it's been 4 hours since he last peed, he's been hitting the milk pretty hard and you know it's gonna be a long while before the next bathroom break. He will loudly yell that his penis doesn't want to pee while you're in the crowded bathroom at the Farmer's Market.

Also filed under bodily charges: even when he's been up since 5:30am, has bags under his eyes deep enough to fall into, is yawning up a storm and is cranky as a wet cat in a net, he'll refuse to nap on the grounds that his "body isn't tired yet!!!!" *foot stamp*

Oh Elliot, I can't wait to meet you as a grown up. I think I want to just skip right over your teenage years. You've got enough angst as a 4 year old as it is.