I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me!
Wednesday February 23, 1994
DD
I did a dumb thing last night. I was shaving my legs, then I started to cut my wrist. I don't remember why. I just did it! I'm not depressed. I feel fine.
Why.
Love, Rainy
Thursday March 3, 1994
DD,
It's M's 18th b-day today. he hasn't called me yet. It's almost 9:30. I wonder if I should call him*. He said he'd call.
(*Edit - yeah, because we all know how likely I am to do that!)
For my birthday, M got me a make-up travel bag. Oh well, no roses or ring. I love it anyway!!
~Rainy
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