Ok, yes, this entry is late. But it coincides perfectly with Father's Day! I wanted to post a Facebook tribute to my dad, who lives 3 hours away and we rarely see each other. So I dug out some old pictures and hubby sweetly scanned them for me. (Yep, I put him to work on Daddy's Day!) Here are a few gems...
|Lookit me, all new and fresh and he's so young and all!|
|I'm about 3. Mom was close to popping out my brother.|
|My and I are 15 months apart. Eep!|
Sunday, February 13, 1994
I haven't talked to M since Wed. Night. I went to R's & Dad's. I was supposed (sorta) to have called him... but I chickened out. What if his dad answered and I started talking to him thinking it was M? That would be totally humiliating. I did that with R and her mom once! That's the only reason I don't like called him. How am I supposed to tell him that? What happens tonight if he calls and asks why I didn't call?I can't lie to him. But I doubt he'd understand that I'm "scared". He'd probably think I was such an idiot!!
I really do love him... as much as any 15 year old can love someone & call it love. But I don't see any way me & him can have a good relationship if we don't talk about things like that... about our feelings. I know we're both very capable of talking seriously. We have before. He says he likes to talk about that stuff. I do too.
He usually brings up stuff like that. I can't. I don't know how to start or what to say. Geez. I can't even write what kind of "that stuff" in my diary. I'm pitiful. Anyway, I told myself I'd call M at 8:30. It's now 8:20. I'm praying he'll call me. I really doubt he will. I can tell he's starting to think something's up because I always find an excuse not to call him. I hope he doesn't think it's because I don't like him anymore. I do like him. I love him. A lot. I'm wrecking things again. I know it. How do I always manage to screw up something important? Why am I so chicken? I hate this. It's wrecking my life!!
Well, I've got 7 minutes. Please call. Please. I don't know why I'm this chicken!
Big deal if his father answers. I've called there a few other times when his dad has answered. I can normally tell them apart. Why am I being so dumb? What's the real reason? I wish to god I knew. With my luck, I'm probably risking losing M. If he thinks something's up & I don't love him anymore, he'll most likely dump me. Maybe I'll let him read this entry. I can't tell him. I doubt I'll even be able to let myself show him this.
What's wrong with me?
Well. One minute.