I will always remember...

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me!

Saturday January 1st, 1994

DD

Well. Happy New Year. It is 12:28 am. I will always remember 1993 as my 14th year. (Duh!) A year of many crushes. First J, then K, then (sorta) E (NOT!), then J, then J, then J, then A, then N, then finally M.

1993 was the year C bounced off the rings in gym, the year of my first kiss, my first prom date. It was the year I found K passed out on the floor and the year I quit my first job. I will always remember it as the year I got my second and 3rd earring holes done, dyed my hair blue (for Halloween) and then purple (yesterday, for fun) and also the year I pierced my hand. (Edit: The webbing between my thumb and index finger. Particularly dumb since there's a major vein there...) I did it myself Thursday night with a safety pin & ice. Now there's a diamond stud in it. But most of all, 1993 was my year for first love. I love M so much. I know it won't change. Not for a long time.

My new years resolution is:

1. Stay with M forever & ever

2. Get another job

3. Get in shape; exercise; lose weight, as much as possible

1993 was also the year my 2 best friends moved away.

Love,

Rainy

Saturday, January 22, 1994

DD,

Exams have started. I wrote English yesterday and I got Social Studies on Monday.

M has come over for the past 2 Saturdays.

R came up this Saturday. Last night, we dyed my hair. The dye was called burgundy but it came out more magenta. I love it!

The earring fell out of my hand. It was in for 3 weeks & then the skin around it died. Oh well.

Anyway, gotta study!

~Rainy