No "words"

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me!

 October 18, 1993

DD,

I wrecked it again. Yep... the eternal idiot strikes again. I wrote M a note. (Will I ever learn?) I asked him out in it. I knew he didn't want a relationship now. Damn. I wrecked it.

His sister called me and said he doesn't want a relationship (duh) & he just wants to be friends. Shit. I've gotta face him on Friday (K&Cs party... he's definitely coming) and also on Saturday (his sister's party). I really embarrassed myself.

When will I learn?

Later,
Rainy



October 25, 1993


Me & M are going out!! (Not officially... no "words" have been said). He called me tonight & we talked for an hour. At his sister's party, right before I left, I kissed him. It was nice. On the phone, he said I took him off guard.
Well, I gotta go. Mom's comin' & she's mad at me already for talking to M instead of cleaning my room.

See ya!
Rainy