Mom Talk

I enjoyed the last one so much, here's a new installment of things I've caught myself saying lately... or at least overheard...I actually remembered to write some of the nonsense down in a legible manner!

Did you pee the boys?
Used between hubby and I whenever the other comes to bed to find out if the boys' bladders have been sleep-dumped.

Why does your voice smell like chocolate?
Hey! The air smells like chocolate!
Two separate conversation starters by Elliot. My only response? A muffled, "Why indeed, grasshopper?!"

Stop smacking that ham.

Get your penis back in your shorts!
To Felix, while walking with the boys in the stroller on a busy street.

If you poke me with that stick again I'll eat your croissant.

Hey! Stop licking knives!

Felix: Something in my bum's made of poop. And that poop's made of plastic.

Those doctors made me VERY angry!
Felix, going to bed the night of the stitches. 

No, that's 5 minutes for YOU, mama!
Cheeky Elliot, on being told it was almost time to go.

Do they know we're not ladies? How?
Elliot, in the ladies washroom:

Get that fork OUT of your NOSE!
To Felix, in a restaurant.

No, I don't want a knife in my purse. Especially one covered in honey.
To Elliot, in the same restaurant.

Felix, in a dark room at 5:30am, covering his non-bashed eye): When I cover my eye, I hear a boy. I hear a voice.
Me, trembling: What does the voice say?
Felix: I want a drink.
It's not just me, that tops the creepy list, right? Seriously, that shit freaks me out. Hubby and I went to a movie the other night (date night, first in a looooong time) and I nearly started crying at the trailer* for Paranormal Activity 3, and I had my eyes clamped shut for most of it. May have also sprained hubby's hand.**shudder**

*I haven't actually gone to that link or viewed the contents. Still too scared. Click at your own risk.