Friday, September 16, 2011

Of jerks and dancing

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day (labeled "Bedtime Stories", I guess to dissuade snoopers??) and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me, typos and all!

Monday September 26, 1994


K is a jerk. Him & his friends were leaning on either side of the hall today. Me & R & B & D were walking by. Just before we got there, his friends started pointing & nudging eachother and K. Exactly when I walked by, K stomped his feet & clapped his hands, saying "Oh yeah baby" etc. Everyone around burst out laughing. How could he be so mean. Another day they were making fun of my hair. I still really like him but he's so mean! Why is it that I never quite get over a guy? 

I kind of really like BV. I've liked him since grade 7. For the first few weeks (days) of school, he would sit with me on the bus & stuff. He'd tell me about his girl problems... several girls like him. One in particular really liked him. He claimed he didn't like her... he said he'd never go out with her. Well, apparently they've been going out for a while. They were holding hands today & he got her a rose. He came on the bus today to gloat. I didn't want to sit with him cause I was feeling really crummy & I wanted to cry, but he sat with me. He's got really soft looking lips. I wanted to kiss him or hug him or something, so bad! He just poked me, talked about her and her rose, and talked like Elmo.

And to think I even thought he liked me. 

There was a dance Friday night. Me & R went. We were the only ones from our group of friends. At the beginning of the night, a guy, D, asked her to dance. They danced all night and he bought her a pop. I danced with this guy named Fred and another friend, BA. Fred said he wouldn't dance with BA, then, 'cause he said no to her he wouldn't dance with me. So he danced with both of us at once. It was fun.

I saw him today at school. I said hi. He didn't say much.

Oh well.



Jen Has A Pen said...

You are so much braver than I! My diary was so mushy in love that I can't even stand to read it. :-)

Rainyday said...

I've had to skip a few entries, some because they were so very boring, some because, well. I cursed at my family a lot and it makes me feel badly now...

Jen Has A Pen said...

I specifically remember berating my mom over her ignoring me to eat guacamole one day. My diary allowed me to cuss her out. ;-) So dramatic. :-)

Rainyday said...

I had one of those pens from the early 90s that could write in 6 different colours, simply by pressing a button. There's one entry where I used each colour - and then the final whammy of all at once - to write out every.single.cuss.word. I could think of. Re-reading the entry, there's lots of drama, but I can't figure out the breaking point. At 13, I had fallen asleep while babysitting my little brother which led to a big fight which led to me being locked in my room and losing phone privileges and something about a sock being out of place in the closet.

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