Bad mama!

Not dairy-free.

Dairy-induced sugar coma.

Daily rhythm

Carol Nasr could just be my most favourite person ever. I thought so after our first meeting, waaaaay back in December. But then life got in the way and I stopped remembering her words and following her advice and then the summer home with the boys was looming in front of me and I knew I had to come up with a game plan or we might not make it out alive.

She does home visits and came to check out our area and make suggestions regarding their toys and environment. Yes, I was nervous. She was coming to my germ factory. The place I want to firebomb and start over with on a daily basis. I figured there would be a stern talk about keeping a proper home with a place for everything and everything in it's place. Because yeah, that would never happen.

Instead, we had a relaxing and invigorating meeting. Neither of the boys had napped, which is apparently our new normal. Imma gonna roll with it. We chatted while they crawled over us and whined and cried and then we toured the house and the back yard. I thought I'd share her words, tips and suggestions with you. Some of them seem pretty obvious in retrospect, but often you need to hear the same thing phrased differently before it makes sense.

I hope you find some of these tips helpful in planning your own rhythm.... I'll let you know how successful ours is (or isn't) as the summer progresses....

Rhythm, repetition and ritual. Young children crave these three qualities in family life.

Trust that they will not get bored when you do things the same way. Change up little details to keep you interested.

Look to establish a daily rhythm (routine), and a weekly rhythm. An established daily rhythm is a mom's best friend because it saves you from oodles of negotiation. You just say "it's time to do..." instead of trying to convince the boys to do something you want them to. Eg. "It's time to get in the car, it's time to put on your backpacks, etc." Don't ask them if they want to do the daily outing. Just be their leader who knows that what you have chosen to do will be just fine, and go ahead and do it confidently. There is always another day to do something else if they complain about it.

Daily rhythm would mean having breakfast at the same time every day, leaving for outings at the same time every morning, and returning at the same time just before lunch, going to the playground every afternoon at the same time, having an art time. This will give everyone a good secure feeling of knowing what to expect. That is rhythm and repetition.

An example of a ritual that would bring delight to your boys during the day: a little verse just before meals, or the same song or blessing at every bedtime, or the same rhyme as you go out the door. These can be very short.

Think of the week's rhythm in major and minor outings.

Some of the major outings we talked about:

The Farm, the Beach, Wildlife Park

Some of the minor outings we talked about:

Park

Commons

Public Gardens

Library

The waterfront - the playground by the museum

The Farmer's Market on a Friday or a Sunday when no crowds.

Possible weekly rhythm for morning outings:

Monday: Park

Tuesday: Library

Wednesday: Downtown trip (waterfront, Gardens, glass elevator, Commons & Horses)

Thursday: Flex day (workday for me)

Friday & Saturday: Major outing 1x week (Farm, Lake, Beach etc.)

Aim to start your outings at 9 a.m. allowing 1/2 hour travel time each way. Pack up the backpacks the night before with the items you can pack early. e.g. water bottles, sunscreen, clothing supplies, hats, a few small toys, etc. Decide the night before what snacks you will add to the backpack in the morning.

After lunch, maybe that's a good time for art projects. Or after breakfast before you leave for the day.

We talked about the importance of work and using big muscles, especially for boys. Look for tree stumps, sand bags, heavy things that can be used in the yard. A half-barrel from Kent or Home Depot gardening sections, to be used for water play in the back yard. Can be filled with the hose or with buckets. Boys can use buckets or ice cream containers to haul water from this "well" to other parts of the yard. They can put sticks and leaves in the half-barrel and make soup, or they can sail boats, bark in it, etc. Empty it out every few days to keep it from getting yukky.

Consider getting a long plank they can move around the yard, especially to be used with the stumps, as balance beam, bridge, etc.. Stumps are also great for jumping off of and are not too high to be unsafe. Stumps (4 - 6 of them) can be lined up or put in semi circle or some other configuration in yard where they can be used in many kinds of play. Consider water painting outside using real (but cheap) paintbrushes from Canadian Tire. (We tried this after she left, using rags, and the boys loved it!!!)

Bales of hay can be fun for the yard too. Eventually they disintegrate and you can mulch with the hay.

Be sure to pursue the mother's helper idea for help on your outings. So much more fun for all when there is an extra pair of hands.

When you start to reduce toys and clutter, remember to keep it simple for yourself. Just attack one small area at a time. Or one category of toys. Put the toys you remove out of sight. Keep toys you know will be played with.

Book to read: Simplicity Parenting, by Kim Payne. Easy read, very helpful suggestions. from Amazon, or Chapters. (Note - we already have this book, it's a good one!!)

I want roses

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me!

Thursday February 17, 1994

DD

Well, I obviously didn't call M the other night. I chickened out & told myself to go to bed early. (like I was gonna sleep - I left the phone "on") M called at 9:00. I am such an idiot!

(Note: I think this fear of calling him, or the necessity of having him call me stemmed from my mother always telling me to let the boy make the first (& only) move. nice girls didn't. Or else I was just a socially awkward weirdo.)

M might be coming over on Saturday. I haven't seen him since the 28th of Jan... that's 3 weeks ago. If he can't come up Sat, then I'll see him the next Friday, which is my birthday. That would make it 4 weeks :(

Tonight he only called around 9:00 & we got off at 9:30. I remember one time we talked for 4 hours! Usually it's at least an hour. I hope nothings going wrong. 

I want roses. Ever since grade 5 my friends have gotten flowers & roses from their boyfriends. This valentine's day, most of the girls I saw had carnations & roses. I've never gotten flowers from a guy ever. I had secretly wished that M would get me some for valentine's day, but he's not a mind reader. I don't want to TELL him... I want him to think of it on his own. This will be interesting. 

(Spoiler: it was grade 8 before I got any flowers. And I still have them, all the petals of all the roses I received from 1996 to 2006, when Elliot was born, all stored in a giant vase on the mantle. I had read once about a woman who'd saved all the petals from the flowers given to her by previous suitors and had scattered them at her wedding. I wanted to do the same but realized as we planned our wedding in 2005 that it was a messy and slightly sociopathic idea. They're probably 75% dust bunnies by now.)

I'd also love to get a ring for my birthday (from M) I don't wanna say it 'cause it sounds greedy. Everyone asks me what I want for my birthday. R is the only one I've answered. I felt bad about it too! How am I ever gonna get what I want without asking or telling when I get the chance!?

God, I'm messed up.

Love, Rainy

Boys in a box

Brothers

There's no place like home.

In this moment, I am struggling.

My course for September is full, without me in it. So now I'm wondering if this is fate. If I'm meant to be doing something else. Or if all the pieces will fall into place and I'll get pulled from the waitlist.

The boys are playing happily together upstairs right now, but no one is napping, which of course means mama ain't napping. (How sad is it that spell check recognized "ain't"??) Why is it always the day I need a nap the most that they simply refuse? My temper is already short. This isn't helping. I know their napping days are numbered, Elliot rarely does anymore. But my goodness, he really needed it today.

In addition to being a dairy and soy free family (and a caffeine-free mama who should also be sugar free) we are now supposed to be gluten free. This is intimidating and frustrating and leaves me wondering what we'll be able to eat. And hoping that we get to witness all the positive health changes quickly to make it all feel worth while. Felix has nasty eczema patches on the tops of his feet that won't clear up. He had specialist appointments last week - one for his hemangioma (it's fine, still wait-and-seeing) and another for his ears (which aren't fine - still full of fluid, despite no more ear infections since coming off dairy in March. Follow up in October, plus another hearing test. To their surprise, he passed the last one. I'm suspicious it's because Elliot was in the room too and might have been supplying involuntary, non-verbal clues during the testing). During both appointments, he pointed to his feet and told the doctor to check them because they hurt. Poor boy. We got some prescription hydrocortizone cream, which is proving to be somewhat helpful on the red spots. But now gluten's got to go.

Creamed for 5 days and still red and crusty.

It's faded so much! And lookit those eyelashes. He's such a beauty!

I  find myself snapping at boys frequently, with unrealistic expectations for their behaviour. Felix is in a run away phase. I hated it with Elliot and handled it badly, but convinced myself it was due to the post-partum depression and the fact that I had to cart around - or abandon - a baby to sprint after the runner. But no, I'm learning I just handle it wrong. I yell and threaten and grab at arms and plunk his struggling, screaming body into the stroller as punishment. He came stupid close to being hit by a car over the weekend. To the point he was actually touching the car when it stopped. (Not the fault of the driver, not really.) Another time he chased some pigeons out into a busy grocery store parking lot. Often he willfully runs away, though many other times he's just not paying attention. I think part of this comes back to those blocked ears. He's not paying attention because he can't hear properly.

Already today, I've snapped at Elliot multiple times, "When I tell you to stop touching something STOP TOUCHING it! Now." Doesn't matter what it is, the phone, computer, car, neighbour's car, the cat (I also told him that if she scratched him, I wouldn't do anything. He chases her and picks her up and teases her. She's old and cranky as it is. She has and will scratch.) And he's taken to shouting these things back at me, too... "Mama, I asked you and then I told you and now I'm gonna make you get me some ice cream!" *sigh*

I've misplaced my Cupcake book. Might be for the best, but I would like to find it. I searched Elliot's room in case he'd pilfered it, being enamored of it as he was. Nope. I hope it didn't end out at the Curb.

I'm looking forward to Thursday when we have a home visit from the Calm Parenting specialist. I'm hoping she can give me some tips and suggestions on simplifying our home to make things calmer over the summer. Because yeah, only 4 more daycare days between now and next week. Then they're both home with me for 2 months. Yesterday I was looking forward to it. Today I'm not.

Then again, today 'I'm not' a lot of things: energetic, caring, rested, coping. I would like to start over, please. Do they make ruby red slippers for that?

Happy Father's Day

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me!



Ok, yes, this entry is late. But it coincides perfectly with Father's Day! I wanted to post a Facebook tribute to my dad, who lives 3 hours away and we rarely see each other. So I dug out some old pictures and hubby sweetly scanned them for me. (Yep, I put him to work on Daddy's Day!) Here are a few gems...

Lookit me, all new and fresh and he's so young and all!

I'm about 3. Mom was close to popping out my brother.

My and I are 15 months apart. Eep!

Ok, now on with the show.... but one more picture. See those smiling kiddos... here's how they looked in 1993, around the time of the diary posts. I just love how it looks like I've got a gigantic head. And  such bad skin. Stupid shadows. Stupid leaning over the chair! But my, don't we have nice smiles?!

Sunday, February 13, 1994

DD

I haven't talked to M since Wed. Night. I went to R's & Dad's. I was supposed (sorta) to have called him... but I chickened out. What if his dad answered and I started talking to him thinking it was M? That would be totally humiliating. I did that with R and her mom once! That's the only reason I don't like called him. How am I supposed to tell him that? What happens tonight if he calls and asks why I didn't call?I can't lie to him. But I doubt he'd  understand that I'm "scared". He'd probably think I was such an idiot!! 

I really do love him... as much as any 15 year old can love someone & call it love. But I don't see any way me & him can have a good relationship if we don't talk about things like that... about our feelings. I know we're both very capable of talking seriously. We have before.  He says he likes to talk about that stuff. I do too.

He usually brings up stuff like that. I can't. I don't know how to start or what to say. Geez. I can't even write what kind of "that stuff" in my diary. I'm pitiful. Anyway, I told myself I'd call M at 8:30. It's now 8:20. I'm praying he'll call me. I really doubt he will. I can tell he's starting to think something's up because I always find an excuse not to call him. I hope he doesn't think it's because I don't like him anymore. I do like him. I love him. A lot. I'm wrecking things again. I know it. How do I always manage to screw up something important? Why am I so chicken? I hate this. It's wrecking my life!!

Well, I've got 7 minutes. Please call. Please. I don't know why I'm this chicken!

Big deal if his father answers. I've called there a few other times when his dad has answered. I can normally tell them apart. Why am I being so dumb? What's the real reason? I wish to god I knew. With my luck, I'm probably risking losing M. If he thinks something's up & I don't love him anymore, he'll most likely dump me. Maybe I'll let him read this entry. I can't tell him. I doubt I'll even be able to let myself show him this.

What's wrong with me?

Well. One minute.

I'll call.

Love, Rainy

All came crashing down

Before

Picnic gawkers

Yesterday

Oh... and...

Rrrraaarrrrrr!