Friday, October 15, 2010

Kicking it

So. Sad news. I saw my naturopath yesterday and she says that all the coffee I'm drinking is contributing to my rages and so now I'm off of caffeine.

About a year before we got married, I went off of coffee, again for health reasons. It was hard kicking it at first - headaches, etc. But I did it and was fine. I drank decaf. No worries. I didn't really care. I didn't neeeeeed coffee, I just liked it. When I got pregnant, I was perfectly happy to stick with decaf. Then Elliot turned 6 months old and stopped sleeping at night. He preferred screaming. I went back to coffee with open arms. Only 1 cup a day and not even everyday. By the time he was 8 months old, all my post-partum depression feelings (anxiety, impatience, anger) came to a head and I ended up seeing a psychiatrist.

She was a total quack. She dismissed my PPD concerns, told me I was bipolar (after I was interviewed by her assistant - she hadn't even talked to me yet!) told me I needed to wean Elliot and make him sleep through the night. She prescribed a mild sleeping pill she told me was safe to use while breastfeeding (since I refused to wean) and one that would allow me to tend to Elliot in the night, since I knew making him sleep through the night was just a dream. She told me it was a non-habit forming pill. I double-checked, as I always do, with the pharmacist when filling the prescription. He looked it up and advised me that it was extremely addictive and not at all safe while breastfeeding.

Yeah. I didn't go back to see her.

But my coffee habits have slowly crept up on me. Especially in the last 6 months. (Yes, I know that's when I bought my fancy new machine.) Nowadays, I'm at 2 cups most days, sometimes a third. To my credit, I do try to make that third a decaf. I'm exhausted. Not sleeping properly. Crazy busy - which I like, but with everything else on top of it, busy makes me sick.

My obvious reactions to too much caffeine in the past have been a vague upset stomach, hot flashes and the shakes.  That gave away to anger and rage. Caffeine is a drug and I apparently have a sensitivity to it.

Looking back, I think that a good 60% of my post-partum depression was (IS!) caffeine based. Another 30% would be due to the sleep deprivation. I think only 10% is truely hormonal. I think being on the anti-depressant helped - it at least masked the coffee rages. But now that I'm weaning off (about to go to every 5 days - boo-yah!) my nastiness is being revealed.

And so I'm now weaning off of coffee. Did pretty good today. Made decaf this morning and didn't get to drink more than a few sips before running out the door. But I had caffeinated tea at work and lots of chocolate. I had hot flashes about 15 minutes after the chocolate. Bummer. But that was ok, since it was kinda chilly and damp in the office and I didn't need to put on my sweater. Bright side!

So I'm bummed. I miss it. Already. But I get to drink it, just without the caffeine. The caffeine that makes me ccccrrrrAazy! *sigh* (Psssst - this also means I shouldn't have any chocolate, but I haven't told myself that yet.) Maybe I should switch to gin?

In other news - I chopped my hair off! And it feels wonnnnnderful. And Jay thinks it's pretty awesome, too!

Oh what a tangled mess!
 Hot mama!

Oooh la la!! Pretty colour, too!


Bethsix said...

Your hair is gorgeous, truly. Love it.

Sorry you have to kick the caffeine. And wow! That psychiatrist! Wack-O!

Rainyday said...

Thank you!!!

A good friend saw the same crazy psych and had the same terrible experience. Horrible!

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

I love your new hairdo!! Gorgeous!

Congrats on kicking caffeine. I was addicted to my one Coke at lunch habit for years and when I tried to kick it, I was so shaky, nauseous, headache-y, and generally such a witch that I had to go back to the habit. 5 days is a huge deal!! Good for you.

Rainyday said...

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm still pretty shakey and headachey. Only a few more days of that, I hope.

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