Lights Camera Action!

So, for Felix's birthday, we got him a VTech camera - the Kidizoom Plus - and I don't think he's touched it once. Not because he wasn't interested. Oh no. Simply because I don't think he even realizes it was for him. Elliot has commandeered it. We just downloaded all of the pics and vids he's taken since it came in the mail earlier this week.

We got a lot of this, most of them just sound clips with him yodeling into the couch...


As he got used to the idea, we saw more of these (filmed in barfovision, naturally...)



Went for a walk around the block last night and came back with this shaky masterpiece (very Blair Witch):


There are some fun photo settings and games on it, too. I'm not sure how I feel yet about my almost 4 year old playing video games, but it's been helping with his frustrations - games that pissed him off 2 days ago and got the camera flung across the room are now enjoyable! He's learning to give things another try and to practice: that he won't be a pro right away. (He's got a bit of a God-complex, I think.)

Jay took these last night:

Arrrrrrrrr.

I like this one - seems I have a force field - no boys allowed!!!

And a few faves from the 160 pics snapped by Elliot...

So now we're thinking of giving Elliot his own camera for his birthday in a few weeks, too... maybe. Although I already picked up a Leapfrog Tag reader for him...



ETA: The camera broke within 90 days but due to crazy life, we neglected to get in touch with the manufacturer within that time frame. They will not repair or replace it and will only offer us 20% off of a new purchase. I don't think so. The boys are crushed and Jay and I are supremely disappointed with this camera and company. One of the knobs is busted - an internal thing where it won't stay on any function for more than a few seconds. It has also deleted the memory. Seems to be an obvious camera flaw, not due to user error or wear and tear. Bah. Not pleased at all. Can no longer recommend this camera, even though the boys had such fun with it while it was working! 

Anxiety becomes me?

I've never had a full blown attack before, but came toooo close this week. I spent a few days down at my mom's with the boys. Jay stayed home to get some renos done. There were some last minute changes on Tuesday morning and we ended up leaving to come home around 8 am instead of noon. My mom had to leave at 6am to go get my brother at the airport, so when the boys got up and we were all ready, we left early.

Pilfered tomato from Nanny's garden

I took them to a wilderness park I went to lots and lots as a child. It's secluded, off the side of a back road. In the woods. Very beautiful. But I was nervous pulling into the empty lot. I was cautious when we started walking the trails. What if someone came after us? No cell coverage. No one knew we were there or had even headed in that direction.

At the half way mark, I was sucking in deep breaths, trying to release the painful tightness in my chest. Felix snapped a twig and I froze. It was awful. I was panicking, picturing all sorts of horrible things, thinking I was going to collapse right there and scare the boys... I couldn't wait to get out of the woods and the boys were having a blast. When we finally left, we needed a pit stop at the outhouses at the other end of the lot, so I tossed the boys in their seat (without buckling them in) and coasted 50 feet to the path to the bathrooms. Then hurried the boys up as much as possible. Elliot decided he had to poop, of course.

Then I bundled everyone in the car and locked the doors before getting ready to leave. It took a while for me to settle.

WTF? Yes, I'm normally an anxious person, and my imagination does get the best of me but this was just craziness. I don't know if I was picking up on possibilities in the air or what. I have heard of anxieties cranking up like this after you have kids, because now you've got their little lives to worry about, too. But wow.

Also, I'd slept funny the night before and had a sore spot on my neck. I tried to massage it out as I drove and it was feeling a bit better. We stopped for lunch over 2 hours later, went into the food court at a grocery store and I was hit with blinding, stabbing pain in my eyes and head. It throbbed - a combo migraine/tension headache, I think. I fumbled through getting the boys settled - all the while holding my head - and then ran over to the pharmacy across the store (I could see the tops of their heads the whole time) to get some advil. I thought I was going to puke. I couldn't eat anything. It was almost an hour before the pills kicked in. By time we got back to the car, I was crying and shaking. The boys were afraid. I sat with the air conditioning blasting and sipped coffee and water until I felt ok to drive. Surprisingly, I was fine for the rest of the day.  Which was good, since I took the boys to a farm on the way home!

So, dear readers, what do you think? Was the headache related to the panic attack?? Brain tumour? Stupid stress from driving and being pissed at my husband for not coming with us and actually going in to work on his vacation week? (And mine too - I planned all this when he found out - months ago - what lone week he'd have off this summer. And now he's taking 1 day off - maybe) ??? But I digress...
{Edit: ok, so I stand corrected - it's a "hiatus" week, wherein there's no work for most of the employees, but since dear hubs is in management, work came up and someone has to do it. Still pissed at the situation, but whatever.}

In other related news and backstory, I'm still weaning off my antidepressants. Taking them every 4 days now. (Tuesday, or DoomsDay -  would have been day 3, in the first 4-day stretch)  Oh, and apparently weaned Felix this weekend as he hasn't nursed since Saturday. Plus, with my period due this week, I'm a total perfect hormonal storm.

Image taken from dennis-yu.com

I did manage to get in to see my doctor yesterday. Had both boys with me, too. Lovely long wait to see her. They were in fine form when we got in, so she got to see what I deal with. Hehe.

My thyroid levels are fine. Keeping the synthroid dose as is, will do blood work and re-eval in 6 months.

She advised against the switch to every 4 days for my ADs right now. So I'll stay on every 3 for the next few weeks and see her again in a month. And we'll talk more about my health: weight, etc, then, too.

She is against me switching to the IUD. She feels that it won't be enough of a drop in hormones from the pill and since I'm already anxious about the IUD that it's not right for me.

She gave me a referral to the psychologists who work in the practice. And she's going to try to get me back in to the mental health division at the women's hospital - but only if she can get me directly to the good psych, not the crazy unprofessional twit I saw last time.

So, I'm holding. I'm looking at a few other options, too - like frequent massages and a yoga class. And getting back into meditation.

Aftermath and deep thoughts

Far too much delicious this last night:
And waaaaay to much of this at 6am:
And certainly not enough of this (yet):


But I definitely needed the fortification after putting Elliot to bed last night. Curled up with him for a few minutes and then had this rather deep conversation...

Elliot: Mama, how do you die?
Me: *stammers* well, some people get sick with a bad disease or get too old or have a bad accident.
~thinking~
Elliot: Mama, what does kill mean?
Me: Well, when you kill something, you make it dead.
Me: Where are you hearing these words?
Elliot: I just made them up!
~thinking~
Elliot: Mama, what does 'give up' mean?
Me: It's when you stop trying to do something.
Me: It's time to turn off that busy brain and go to sleep.
~thinking~
Elliot: When do you get old and die?
Me: People live for a long, long time. Everyone is growing older, but it takes lots of years. 80 or 90 or more.
Elliot: I want to be 100
Me: And you might! People are living longer and longer if they're healthy and eat their vitamins and take care of themselves.
(Daddy comes in the room)
Daddy: Mama has to go do some work now.
Me: Try to turn off that smart brain and go to sleep, Elliot.
Elliot: My brain just keeps going!
(Exit mama)

Apparently he kept going with similar questions for a few minutes. Oy! Not a conversation I expected to be having with an almost 4-year old... he must have heard something at daycare, or I wasn't being mindful when listening to the radio or watching Youtube or something.

Ahhhhhhh, those Electric Pears last night were spot on brilliant. Ended up making a pitcher and a half. A total of 11 oz pear vodka, 2.5 L sprite, juice from 1.5 limes, lots of ice. Shared between 3 of us. We sat gabbing in the backyard until after midnight. The mosquitoes looooooved us. *sigh*

Saturday snippets

Invited a bunch of ladyfriends over to drink with me in my backyard tonight. Gonna take down my mommytail and have a bit of fun, I think.

Had a lovely grown-up outing with hubby this morning. At the grocery store. We made eyes at each other at the meat counter and I goosed him while we were putting the bags in the (borrowed) car.

Serving store bought pirogies fried in butter and BBQ steak for supper tonight. Might be culinary genius. Turned around and saw this peering in at me:


Elliot is looking to become the next Mr Maker - he's hooked on that annoying show and is forever asking me to whip up a batch of gloopy glue out of my doodle drawers. This is his newest creation, a "Dona bug":


Speaking of Elliot, we let him run around with the camera last night and he snapped a few neat pics:



Have discovered an exciting and cheap way to have the house dusted. The boys actually fight over who gets to wear the fuzzy mitt. Must buy lots more.


Couldn't bother fighting with Elliot at nap time so I tossed him in the stroller and we went to the library to return some books (Under The Dome - a thick and thought provoking read.) Lovely walk in the heat. Maybe I can now fit in my so-called skinny clothes? Probably drink it all back on tonight. Looking forward to it, peeps!

Crying over spilled milk

When I was in high school, I volunteered at the local pool in their after-school program. I taught a cooking "class" and supervised the trampoline in the gymnasium. (Not at the same time. Usually.)

Something from back then has been on my mind a lot lately. I can't shake the 'you-just-missed-DOOM' feeling. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm a so-called grown up now. Or that I have kids of my own. But whatever...

We offered a sleep-over night. A bunch of teenagers and one adult and a whole roomful of 10-year olds. My boyfriend came along to help (me out of my clothes). We would go to gather supplies and meander down the deserted hallways in the basement of the building and make out, a bit. I don't *think* there were security cameras, but I shudder to think that my indiscretions may have been captured. Oh, they were fairly innocent indiscretions - all clothing was kept on. Mostly. Anyhoo....

Once the kids were all asleep, someone had the bright idea to go swimming in the pool. So we all did. Except for the lone adult, she stayed in the main hall, which overlooked the pool and was close to the room where all the kiddos were. Smart lady.

We had a blast in the water, playing silly games. I think my boyfriend came back into the lady's changeroom with me.... but again, I digress. I have a vague memory of one of the kids coming out and sitting with K and she watched us swim. And I still thank my lucky stars that no one drowned. That no one got hurt. That the kids didn't need us. That K was using her brain. (A very sweet lady, but she was a bit... slow.) That I didn't get more carried away with that boyfriend. (Who later dumped me because I wouldn't go all the way with him. Sheesh!)

I volunteered at one other sleepover later that season. (I guess there weren't any security cameras - we're talking a fairly small town, back in the mid-90s - I never would have been allowed back with the kids!) It was much better organized. Several adults (university students, maybe?) with great ideas for activities and they put on a movie fairly early in the evening so the kids could all fall asleep watching it. (James and the Giant Peach). Someone asked if we could go swimming once the kids were out, but the higher-ups quickly (and gently) shot down the idea, listing all the reasons why it wasn't a cool or safe idea.

That was years ago. Nothing bad happened, but still I think, what if those kids told their parents? What if the day staff found out? I would fah-reak out as a parent if I found out that all of the supervisors pretty much abandoned the kids during a sleepover. There's no way we could have gotten to the kids on time had something gone wrong when we were swimming. A completely irresponsible night on my part. And that wasn't like me at all.

But lately I feel like shirking my responsibilities once again. Throw caution (and common sense) to the wind and go with the flow. This is a sign that I need to slooooow down and prioritize my life. Clean off my desk. Spit out what I can't chew.

Tonight very nearly choked me.

It was business as usual, coming home with the boys. They were hyper and hungry and screaming over toys while I made supper. They fought over stuffed animals while eating supper. There were 5 different drink spillage occurrences within a 10 minute span. I opened the fridge at one point to grab the milk for Felix (after he spilled his once again) and burst into tears. Came totally out of left field, I didn't expect it and still can't pinpoint the reason.

When they started shrieking at each other again, I calmly went outside and sat on the steps to settle myself down. It was so peaceful and I wanted to run down the street, tossing my mommy-role under the first bus I came to. But I didn't. I yelled back inside for them to come sit with me. And they did. So we sat, and waited for Jay to come home from work.

Then he took over so I could sit/cry/wail on my own.

And now I feel better.

Except for this fear of sending the boys on a sleepover in case they get another young-me as a chaperon!

Eenut and Encause.

Felix has taken to yelling "Eenut!" if I ask him to do something he doesn't want to - like take a break from playing to have a diaper change before his caustic poo eats through another layer of his flesh.

Took me a bit to decipher his yelling, but it came to me one day as the boys were screaming at each other and tryign to pancake their own heads and I bellowed back "ENOUGH!"... so apparently, when Felix feels the urge to have me stop whatever my advances may be, he'll throw "Eenut" in my face. Nice.

One of Elliot's sweet little pronunciations is "Encause" instead of 'because'. Adorable! And his need to say things like "directschkin" and "constructschkin".

Like many parents, we've simply added these new words to daily usage. I've read on other blogs that these types of words can hang around for lifetimes. Fun times!

Sweet boy

Took the boys for brunch at an actual restaurant this morning. Near the end, they were getting understandably restless. Running all over the place. Playing in the elevators. Climbing on chairs at other tables. So what does any sane, normal mother do? Yep, that's right. I poured them a bowl of "Lucky Charms" from the breakfast buffet and let them have at 'er. Kept them quiet and still long enough for us to finish our meals.

These kids have never had any breakfast cereal sweeter than Honeynut Cheerios. They were in heaven.

I continued the trend this afternoon and we snacked on Swedish berries and Smarties in the back yard. (More elicit goodies - stuff I eat allllll the time but never let the boys have. Me share? Never!!) As the Smarties ran out, I had this conversation with Elliot:

Elliot: I want more candy.
Me: Candy's not good for you. It's made of sugar.
Elliot: Can I have more sugar please?

Cheeky.