Saturday, March 5, 2011

Mmmmmm pie.

Felix is turning into such a character. I love watching him play - making his stuffed animals or dinky cars or figurines or whatever have conversations and sing and hug. It's adorable. And it's a phase I mostly missed with Elliot, as I was dealing with a new baby at the time.
The power of the Felix compels you...
He has this way of laughing at himself when he knows he's done something cute or silly. It's a self-aware titter, a high pitched nervous giggle that makes me melt. He's always moving, bouncing, dancing, singing, something.  They both are, really, but Elliot has more down time. He's a reader, like me. And he's so incredibly smart. Reading and doing math already. He's going to blow them away at school in the fall.
It's been hard spending so much of this past week at work. Over 50 hours. I've never been apart from them for so long before. I haven't even worked than many hours since before Felix was born. It was 2 months from now, 3 years ago, when I ended up on bedrest because I pushed myself too hard during the last trimester of his pregnancy. I think I had at least a 45 hour week then, too. Then my water broke 10 weeks early, forcing me to slow the hell down.

My body is taking a beating right now, too. I'm exhausted and bleary eyed. I'm getting sick - a rattling cough that so far isn't settled deep into my chest. I have tomorrow off and then I'm jumping back into another 50 hour week. After that, things should slow down again. I hope. They have to, otherwise I may just have a nervous break down.

I love that I'm so busy at work. This tax season seems to be spectacularly busier than the previous 3 I've worked. I'm senior staff at a brand new location that's already surpassing managements projections for client flow. (And we finally have heat! Sort of. At least when I increase the desired temperature on the thermostat, the room gauge eventually goes up to match - even though it still feels frigid.) I have a lot of prior clients who are making a point of only coming back to see me this year, and they've tracked me down. I think it's actually pissing off my office leader, because whenever he answers a call for me or someone comes in looking for me, he exclaims "Oh, she's soooooo popular!" in a drippy, fake voice. Today, he actually nabbed two of my clients - granted, I don't think they requested me, but they did see me there and got very chatty, until he ushered them into his office and told me to take the other client. Whatever.

So I'm busy, popular and tired. And I'm secretly happy to see that the house is starting to fall into a slight decline again. Hubby hasn't been as on top of the dishes and other house crap as before. I come home late and there are still toys spread from one end of the house to the next. I know how hard it is to wrangle our two feral monkeys and still have energy to clean. Or shower. But it's reassuring to see that he's having difficulty juggling it all, too.

He is trying out a bunch of new meals. Going to the grocery store multiple times per week, so we're always well stocked, which is nice. But I'm having a hard time letting go of the meal & grocery planning. I need to learn to trust that he can make good judgments and will make healthy choices about the family's eating habits.
Banana Brigade

I do miss my boys. But the fatigue is (as always) making it hard for me to enjoy coming home to them. I want to sleep or lose myself in a book for a few hours after working all day. Not pry apart wrestling children or play another round of word bingo or bathe slippery, protesting boys. But it's a different kind of energy suck this time around, not the same sense of being completely drained as I was when my iron levels were low. They've stabilized, but I hope I don't shoot them down to hell by working myself too hard. It's a body fatigue right now, not a mental one. Not as much, anyway!

I need to find balance. The scale is always tipped heavily to one side, no matter what I'm trying to do. Maybe I need a pie chart. Mmmmmmm. Pie.

Or maybe just more sleep. Sleep makes the world function.
Birthday flowers. They make me feel good.

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