19 pounds

Photo from Pound per Pound - go check out her blog for some impressive results!

So. Yep. I'm down 19 lbs total. And would be more if I'd actually exercised over the past month! Shocking, I know. I've been lazy. I've not tracked any of my food. I've pigged out on wine and sweets and huge helpings. But I've made a good dent - almost 2/3 to my goal weight. Eleven pounds left to go. The treadmill arrived and I've been trying to get a run in every other day. But it's stretching out to maybe once a week, especially given the latest run of barfies that have camped out at our place. (Elliot's been battling it out both ends for a week!! Ugh.) But the upside to the barfies is that I've lost another 2 lbs. And that's on top the water-retention week that visits once a month - we'll see what I'm down to in a few more days.

My FitOrbit progress.

I'm feeling good. Energetic. Except for the sleep deprivation and anxiety caused by a deep and frantic need to disinfect the whole house. It's giving me a tic. But I can shake it. I can do it. I also did some fundraising for Bust a Move for breast health over the weekend, about 12 hours before the barfies hit, so I hope I didn't infect everyone. I worked in the morning and went to the event late, but got to do some fabulous work outs (the boxercise one left me wonderfully sore for days). Paula Abdul was the celebrity trainer and she lead us in a choreographed routine. 

Random action shot during Bust A Move

I've made a few life decision changes, too. Remember over the supper when I got that crazy idea to go back to school, get my Bachelor of Commerce and go on to get my accountant designation? Yeah, that was a crazy idea. It was causing me waaaay to much stress. And so I reevaluated. I spent some time with my friend Allison who does life coaching and we tackled a few giant mountains that were blocking me in - mainly, my intense desire to please people and an equally intense fear of failure. The failure thing is a major issue with me. All my life, I've only ever wanted to be a mom. Never had any career plans. Never wanted to work. Just to have lots of babies and stay at home with them.

Well.

Postpartum Depression put a damper on that. I wasn't instantly good at as I'd expected to be, I didn't enjoy it like I figured I would and so I failed. And hated myself for it. And then floundered, wanting to create a new identity for myself but not knowing how to do it. I thought that the accountant designation would give me the confidence to get over that crisis. But that's not realistic. I don't want to be in school for the next 8 years, only to be starting out as a junior accountant. Or whatever.

I'm a bookkeeper. Have been for 10 years. The clients I have now want a bookkeeper, not an accountant. If they wanted an accountant, they wouldn't be my clients. I do need to upgrade my skills, that's a given, but I can do that at the college level. So I am planning to head back to school full time this fall, but in a smaller classroom. In a much more manageable and attainable manner. Now I'm starting to feel smart and back in control.

So things are coming together and melting away, I suppose. I'm holding out buying new clothes until 5 more pounds are gone. Though I'm having a hard time keeping my work pants up. Looks kinda sloppy. Maybe I should spring for one new pair? Could be dangerous, me being let loose in a mall. Still don't have my willpower back under control... one thing at a time....