Saturday, May 16, 2009

Poetry and motion

There's nothing quite as terrifying as seeing your child's face covered in blood. And blood caked in eyelashes is really tricky to clean, especially since babies rarely cooperate.

Felix rubbed his hemangioma against the mesh side of the playpen again. It bled. It's the 5th time it's bled, the 4th time in the damn playpen, ad the second major bleed. The first major bleed happened when he scraped the scab from the first bleed off on a wicker basket. The other scrapes he's had in the playpen were tiny - a few drops of blood, enough to put a small stain on his bib and crust up on his head. Nothing major.

This time, there were no scabs. I put him in the playpen to keep him out of Elliot's way while I went to the bathroom. Jay was folding laundry a few feet away. I had barely sat down when Jay bellowed "Jesus Christ!" Quickly followed by "Honey, get down here." I managed to get my jeans up and buttoned by time I hit the bottom of the steps. Felix's whole face was red. His hands were red. Jay had a cloth pressed to the hemangioma and I knew that's where the blood was coming from, but it was terrifying. Together we got wet cloths and applied pressure and got him into a sitting position to still the flow. It stopped quickly, but left a mess in it's wake. Elliot continued to play with cars at our feet, oblivious to the chaos.

The playpen will be dismantled this weekend. He's not going back in it.

We are meeting with a specialist next week to discuss possible treatment options. Since it's on his forehead and not interfering with his sight or anything else, removal would be considered cosmetic. But since he bumps/scrapes it frequently and it bleeds copiously, someone needs to look at it and make sure he's not going to bleed to death or have scars from it all.

Up until then, we'd had a pretty fun day. Went to the Fun Zone to celebrate Elliot's friend's 3rd birthday. It's a tall structure, completely enclosed and padded. There's a ball bit, lengthy slides, tunnels, monkey bars... Elliot slept through the first 30 minutes of the party and then had the blind staggers for the next little bit, but by the end, he was having a blast. The ball pit was a huge hit - he would climb up the side and launch himself bodily down into the pile. He couldn't figure out how to climb each level in the mesh stairs case - each level was about 2 feet high with a hole cut in the floor. Jay or I had to snake in their with him and push him up each level and then snake ourselves back down. By time we had to leave, of course he'd found a way to dig his toes in and could do it on his own...

Felix had a great time on the floor mats. The area is enclosed and there were toys for the little ones to play with. Felix practiced pulling himself to standing.

I found a few minutes to dig up some old poetry tonight to see if it would spark anything new in me. I haven't written since high school. These are some of my favorite pieces - it feels good to dust them off and bring them out of storage:


filter me a love song

thru strands of hair and bone

make it make my dreams come true

and all my pieces whole

shelter me from danger

while pilfering my soul

chase away the thoughts of you

and then come back for more

fill me with emotions

watch them writhe and grow

take away my love from me

and follow where it goes

filter me a love song

seep it thru the ground

sweeten my dreams with webs of fire

then watch them burn me down


can i be your salt peter
an acid sharp explosion
rocking sense into your world
thru the morning can i play
in your sandbox building castles
so you can knock them down
with your size 9 shoe
can i wander naked in your veins
when i want to
causing the pain you crave when i am there
and i'll be the dust in your eye-
stinging you blind to my beauty
-the infection on your palm
making you itch to move [me]
you wound me with your words
and so will i
so surround me with your ignorance
and i'll try
to turn you blue
from lack of air


hey you sitting on the edge of tomorrow
flatten your palm to my face and feel the breath of sorrow rushing
by. yeah, and like the iridescent snow drops that kiss your
fragrant skin and make you burst open to fill the gap with your
pristine face and greasy hands, you took the blue from the night
and smeared it on your name with smatterings of forever.
yeah, you set a match to yesterday and sat, curled on the edge of
tomorrow warming your sorrow on the flames. and it was here and
there and everywhere and the smell sent me to the edge of madness.
and you're the rose clenched between the teeth of tomorrow, with
your salty breath and chapped raw skin, on your cloud you lay
reaching the stars with your inch of my love.
and i stare into your eyes, into you, and i see the pain smeared
thru the strands of your hair, and you, like the picture of
innocence tattooed on your body, will fade away into tomorrow.
yeah, like sunshine on water, you turn me away from the edge, so i
may breathe again.

Quarantined angel

i'm drowning in your insulin-
a pinpoint in your panoramic view...
you climb the cliffs of forever
and disappear over their edge.

and once you've learned every trick,
every nuance, every shadow
and you've discovered every secret...
with your soul on fire
burning straps into your shoulders,
you still won't let me in.

rambling angel with one eye closed;
shut yourself away up on the shelf
behind the tin soldiers
and the thread-worn teddy bear
where you think i can't find you.
yeah, you make me feel so small
with the layers of confusion you pile on my head
and you say i blow your mind.

but when all is said and done,
when the scroll is viewed in
microscopic detail, dusted for fingerprints,
you're still on the shelf with the broken top
and the jack-in-the-box.

and you say you'd rather
gather flowers in the rain.

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