Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Fat
Since I've ballooned up so much in size over the past few months, year, 4 years, a good friend who has been working extremely hard to slim down brought over all of her too-large clothes for me to try on tonight.
It was fun to go shopping in my own home. But so sad when I saw the size of the clothes that were now fitting me. I know I'm not healthy. I know my eating habits need a major change and I'm not working out except for walking (lots) so that needs to improve, too. I have a good 35 lbs of pure fat that needs to come off.
But the big issue is where I'm carrying my weight. It's all in my tummy. I look pregnant. Seriously. They don't make clothes for my body shape, hell, my body shape doesn't even exist. I call it "Snake Swallowed A Pig".
Oh wait - they do make clothes for me. In the maternity section.
Frack. I need to get myself in gear. This is so depressing and frustrating. And tummy weight like this is so unhealthy. It's the worst kind of fat to have. So I've read. I have a gym membership that's gathering dust on the kitchen counter. Only a month left to it. I looked at Weight Watchers today, but it's too pricey. I have excuses for everything. I also want to get check ed out by a doctor to make sure there's nothing growing in there. No, not a baby! But maybe a stone baby or a tumor or something.
Ok enough moaning already, woman!!!
Share your motivational tips and stories, please....
It was fun to go shopping in my own home. But so sad when I saw the size of the clothes that were now fitting me. I know I'm not healthy. I know my eating habits need a major change and I'm not working out except for walking (lots) so that needs to improve, too. I have a good 35 lbs of pure fat that needs to come off.
But the big issue is where I'm carrying my weight. It's all in my tummy. I look pregnant. Seriously. They don't make clothes for my body shape, hell, my body shape doesn't even exist. I call it "Snake Swallowed A Pig".
Oh wait - they do make clothes for me. In the maternity section.
Frack. I need to get myself in gear. This is so depressing and frustrating. And tummy weight like this is so unhealthy. It's the worst kind of fat to have. So I've read. I have a gym membership that's gathering dust on the kitchen counter. Only a month left to it. I looked at Weight Watchers today, but it's too pricey. I have excuses for everything. I also want to get check ed out by a doctor to make sure there's nothing growing in there. No, not a baby! But maybe a stone baby or a tumor or something.
Ok enough moaning already, woman!!!
Share your motivational tips and stories, please....
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Another late night
Oh so unflattering. But here I am, awkwardly asleep on the couch, Doritos close at hand, my book is mashed up under me, cat contentedly sleeping on me, glasses askew... such a hot mess! I blame the wine I had with dinner, some 5 hours before this picture was taken.
Today's line up includes scrubbing the dirty Dorito taste out of my mouth, taking the boys to soccer and going to a Ladies' Halloween Tea Party. So I should really start in on that costume, huh? I am NOT the crafty parent in this family. Jay has been staying up late most nights working on Elliot's T-Rex costume. He bought a pattern and fabric (all picked out by Elliot) and now he's fighting with it. Oh yes, and he bought a new sewing machine, too, since my ancient Singer is pretty much for looks only.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Bonkyhead
Another day, another headache. After drinking tea for the past few days, I made a decaf coffee last night. And within an hour, I was angry and tense and everything was going wrong.
Arriving home from daycare, Felix ran away, Elliot was trying to bring a handful of sticks into the house for a project (which are currently still on the floor in the hallway). I chased down Felix and brought him, kicking and screaming, into the house just in time for Melon - aka hellcat - to escape out the front door, Elliot was still yelling on the porch because he couldn't get the door open with his arms full of sticks.
Got everyone in and dished up supper. Which the boys didn't want to eat. They wanted to slither off of their chairs, head first onto the floor. And then crawl under the table to hit the other brother.
Going upstairs to get Elliot out of time out, Melon raced past me. At the exact moment I swung my arm down. The arm holding an apple. And she rubbed all over it, coating it in hair.
Mrrrrrrrrrrarrrr!
Typing it out, it seems routine and silly. But my little brain couldn't handle it and I was yelling and trembling. Makes me want to bonkyhead the nearest wall - Felix's term for when he bumps his head.
So, maybe decaf is out, too. Rats.
I see my counselor today. Looking forward to my 50 minutes in her calming little office.
~~~
And yes, things look different over here. I wanted to put up a photo banner, but then the background (which I loved) didn't "match" and so I took it down and found something else. And then I decided to try Google Advertising, too. We'll see how that works out. I'm torn about it.
Arriving home from daycare, Felix ran away, Elliot was trying to bring a handful of sticks into the house for a project (which are currently still on the floor in the hallway). I chased down Felix and brought him, kicking and screaming, into the house just in time for Melon - aka hellcat - to escape out the front door, Elliot was still yelling on the porch because he couldn't get the door open with his arms full of sticks.
Got everyone in and dished up supper. Which the boys didn't want to eat. They wanted to slither off of their chairs, head first onto the floor. And then crawl under the table to hit the other brother.
Going upstairs to get Elliot out of time out, Melon raced past me. At the exact moment I swung my arm down. The arm holding an apple. And she rubbed all over it, coating it in hair.
Mrrrrrrrrrrarrrr!
Typing it out, it seems routine and silly. But my little brain couldn't handle it and I was yelling and trembling. Makes me want to bonkyhead the nearest wall - Felix's term for when he bumps his head.
So, maybe decaf is out, too. Rats.
I see my counselor today. Looking forward to my 50 minutes in her calming little office.
~~~
And yes, things look different over here. I wanted to put up a photo banner, but then the background (which I loved) didn't "match" and so I took it down and found something else. And then I decided to try Google Advertising, too. We'll see how that works out. I'm torn about it.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
101 Uses For Potatoes
I remember making potato stamps as a child. Something else my mom thought of. I think we found the idea in a book from the library. She would carefully cut out shapes from halved potatoes, whip us up some paint from flour, water and food colouring (I think - maybe she wasn't THAT rustic) and we would create for hours. I also remembering us trying to make our own potato chips by thinly shaving (different) potatoes, adding salt or other seasonings, then baking them. That didn't get them very crispy, so there was also some pan frying action. Yummy! But not as good as 'the real thing'. But she wouldn't buy us the real thing, so we made do.
I needed to distract myself today. Jay took Elliot to gymnastics class using the bike trailer. I have mini-panic attacks each time. Picturing mangled tires and bone and flashing lights. (Of course, it doesn't help that as I write this, it's already a good half hour past when I expected them home.) So, when Felix got up from his nap, the (store bought) paints were all ready. I'd picked out some potatoes and scrounged through the playdoh box until I found some shapes that would fit the size of the spuds.
I needed to distract myself today. Jay took Elliot to gymnastics class using the bike trailer. I have mini-panic attacks each time. Picturing mangled tires and bone and flashing lights. (Of course, it doesn't help that as I write this, it's already a good half hour past when I expected them home.) So, when Felix got up from his nap, the (store bought) paints were all ready. I'd picked out some potatoes and scrounged through the playdoh box until I found some shapes that would fit the size of the spuds.
So very messy. And so very much fun. Now what to do with all this art work?!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Kicking it
So. Sad news. I saw my naturopath yesterday and she says that all the coffee I'm drinking is contributing to my rages and so now I'm off of caffeine.
About a year before we got married, I went off of coffee, again for health reasons. It was hard kicking it at first - headaches, etc. But I did it and was fine. I drank decaf. No worries. I didn't really care. I didn't neeeeeed coffee, I just liked it. When I got pregnant, I was perfectly happy to stick with decaf. Then Elliot turned 6 months old and stopped sleeping at night. He preferred screaming. I went back to coffee with open arms. Only 1 cup a day and not even everyday. By the time he was 8 months old, all my post-partum depression feelings (anxiety, impatience, anger) came to a head and I ended up seeing a psychiatrist.
She was a total quack. She dismissed my PPD concerns, told me I was bipolar (after I was interviewed by her assistant - she hadn't even talked to me yet!) told me I needed to wean Elliot and make him sleep through the night. She prescribed a mild sleeping pill she told me was safe to use while breastfeeding (since I refused to wean) and one that would allow me to tend to Elliot in the night, since I knew making him sleep through the night was just a dream. She told me it was a non-habit forming pill. I double-checked, as I always do, with the pharmacist when filling the prescription. He looked it up and advised me that it was extremely addictive and not at all safe while breastfeeding.
Yeah. I didn't go back to see her.
But my coffee habits have slowly crept up on me. Especially in the last 6 months. (Yes, I know that's when I bought my fancy new machine.) Nowadays, I'm at 2 cups most days, sometimes a third. To my credit, I do try to make that third a decaf. I'm exhausted. Not sleeping properly. Crazy busy - which I like, but with everything else on top of it, busy makes me sick.
My obvious reactions to too much caffeine in the past have been a vague upset stomach, hot flashes and the shakes. That gave away to anger and rage. Caffeine is a drug and I apparently have a sensitivity to it.
Looking back, I think that a good 60% of my post-partum depression was (IS!) caffeine based. Another 30% would be due to the sleep deprivation. I think only 10% is truely hormonal. I think being on the anti-depressant helped - it at least masked the coffee rages. But now that I'm weaning off (about to go to every 5 days - boo-yah!) my nastiness is being revealed.
And so I'm now weaning off of coffee. Did pretty good today. Made decaf this morning and didn't get to drink more than a few sips before running out the door. But I had caffeinated tea at work and lots of chocolate. I had hot flashes about 15 minutes after the chocolate. Bummer. But that was ok, since it was kinda chilly and damp in the office and I didn't need to put on my sweater. Bright side!
So I'm bummed. I miss it. Already. But I get to drink it, just without the caffeine. The caffeine that makes me ccccrrrrAazy! *sigh* (Psssst - this also means I shouldn't have any chocolate, but I haven't told myself that yet.) Maybe I should switch to gin?
In other news - I chopped my hair off! And it feels wonnnnnderful. And Jay thinks it's pretty awesome, too!
About a year before we got married, I went off of coffee, again for health reasons. It was hard kicking it at first - headaches, etc. But I did it and was fine. I drank decaf. No worries. I didn't really care. I didn't neeeeeed coffee, I just liked it. When I got pregnant, I was perfectly happy to stick with decaf. Then Elliot turned 6 months old and stopped sleeping at night. He preferred screaming. I went back to coffee with open arms. Only 1 cup a day and not even everyday. By the time he was 8 months old, all my post-partum depression feelings (anxiety, impatience, anger) came to a head and I ended up seeing a psychiatrist.
She was a total quack. She dismissed my PPD concerns, told me I was bipolar (after I was interviewed by her assistant - she hadn't even talked to me yet!) told me I needed to wean Elliot and make him sleep through the night. She prescribed a mild sleeping pill she told me was safe to use while breastfeeding (since I refused to wean) and one that would allow me to tend to Elliot in the night, since I knew making him sleep through the night was just a dream. She told me it was a non-habit forming pill. I double-checked, as I always do, with the pharmacist when filling the prescription. He looked it up and advised me that it was extremely addictive and not at all safe while breastfeeding.
Yeah. I didn't go back to see her.
But my coffee habits have slowly crept up on me. Especially in the last 6 months. (Yes, I know that's when I bought my fancy new machine.) Nowadays, I'm at 2 cups most days, sometimes a third. To my credit, I do try to make that third a decaf. I'm exhausted. Not sleeping properly. Crazy busy - which I like, but with everything else on top of it, busy makes me sick.
My obvious reactions to too much caffeine in the past have been a vague upset stomach, hot flashes and the shakes. That gave away to anger and rage. Caffeine is a drug and I apparently have a sensitivity to it.
Looking back, I think that a good 60% of my post-partum depression was (IS!) caffeine based. Another 30% would be due to the sleep deprivation. I think only 10% is truely hormonal. I think being on the anti-depressant helped - it at least masked the coffee rages. But now that I'm weaning off (about to go to every 5 days - boo-yah!) my nastiness is being revealed.
And so I'm now weaning off of coffee. Did pretty good today. Made decaf this morning and didn't get to drink more than a few sips before running out the door. But I had caffeinated tea at work and lots of chocolate. I had hot flashes about 15 minutes after the chocolate. Bummer. But that was ok, since it was kinda chilly and damp in the office and I didn't need to put on my sweater. Bright side!
So I'm bummed. I miss it. Already. But I get to drink it, just without the caffeine. The caffeine that makes me ccccrrrrAazy! *sigh* (Psssst - this also means I shouldn't have any chocolate, but I haven't told myself that yet.) Maybe I should switch to gin?
In other news - I chopped my hair off! And it feels wonnnnnderful. And Jay thinks it's pretty awesome, too!
Oh what a tangled mess!
Hot mama!
Oooh la la!! Pretty colour, too!
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