My dear internets...

It's been far to long since I sat down and wrote you properly. October really hit me hard. Left me battle-scarred, a bit limpy, but intact. Considering that we're now in December, it's about time I made it through.

I've always battled mood swings, dark times when the sun goes away. But it's never truly interfered with my life - I could always make myself get up, get dressed, put on a happy face and keep my shit together. Until this year. There were a record number of down days, culminating in several where I simply couldn't push myself to pretend anymore. There were lots of tears and much anger.

I drank a lot. Ate way too much. Gained 10 pounds. Saw my therapist. Saw my doctor. Saw my naturopathic doctor. Got a haircut. By-passed the anti-depressants for a regime of vitamins and supplements. And you know what? I'm on day 15 of a mostly good mood. Energy is wavering now, but that first week? I was on fire! I won't entertain the idea that this is just a new face for mania. I. Will. Win. This. Round.

Today we took the boys to a small pond with nature trails in the middle of a rocky forest. We ran. Sailed stick boats down a brook. Laughed. And it was nice. It's been a long time coming.

Thank you for sailing with me.

Lots of love,

Rainy