Beer smuggler

I kept a diary as a girl, like many. I suppose this blog is my grown up version, also like many. I came across one of my old diaries while cleaning the other day (labeled "Bedtime Stories", I guess to dissuade snoopers??) and thought I'd share a few pieces with you, Cringe-style! As I flipped through it, I was saddened by the angst I was expressing, the cursing, the hating, the self-depreciating and self-harming, the need to be loved, to have a boyfriend, to fit in. But I'm glad I had an outlet, the presence of mind to write it all out. Of course, reading it now that nearly 20 years have passed, I am cringing at my words and want to grab hold of that 14 year old and give her a big hug and protect her from the world, and herself. She obviously needed it. I remember I destroyed a couple of my early diaries, from when I was even younger. Those are the ones I wish I had... this teen drama is still all too fresh in my mind. I'm implementing FlashBack Fridays. Come cringe with me, typos and all!

Sunday, November 27, 1994 

Well, we had our "last" party today. It was pretty cool. We had over 100 people in & out all day. I started cleaning up at 8:30 and finished at 9:45... but that's without doing dishes! 

Only one friend that I invited came, AS. She smokes, but didn't have any...I gave her my last little bit of JS's. Then later, me & Min&Meg  (Min & them all came with their families) went for a walk to have a smoke... I was a "good girl" and only had one drag off of AS's. Min offered me one, but I had no way to pay her back. I hardly ever smoke, Once in a while I'll get a craving for a smoke, I've only had 2 cigarettes and a few drags all year! Tonight when I was "cleaning" there was a half empty beer bottle... I poured it into a cup & smuggled it upstairs... 'twas good, but I drank it too fast & it made me feel kinda sick.

All in all it was a cool party. Some of the adults were toking weed in John's shop. John was with them. I dunno if he did any, Meg walked into the room looking for her mom, & saw someone pass the thing t'John, but he said he'd pass on that one, this time. 

Oh well,

Anyway, 

Love Rainy

Man, I was trying so hard to be cool and fit in. I remember this party, it was fun and loud. I don't have any concrete memories of AS, though. Can't picture her, don't remember being friends. Weird. Min&Meg, I do. They were the first kids my age I met when we moved to that community, when I was 8. They had a Welcome Wagon and they staged a surprise party for us, new to the neighbourhood and all. I was out in the yard and looked up to see car after car pull in the driveway. Good times.