Sooooo, we started using either 2 regular inserts or 1 new Green Acres Designs OS insert with Elliot's Fuzzi Bunz, and hey, what do you know? No more leaks! It's pretty cool. Now, if only he'd show an interest in potty training.
Raining. Want chocolate. Trying to be healthy but it's not working so well. Felix has been awake and screaming every 2 hours for the last 2 weeks. He's cutting 6 teeth right now, poor boy. And nothing soothes him other than nursing. I'm raw and drained and exhausted. I did nothing but nap this weekend - thankfully, Jay was home from work and able to keep an eye on the kids while I was useless. It was decadent!
Elliot and I have been going to a weekly library program, just the 2 of us. Well, actually, just him - we travel there together, but the program is for 3-5 year olds and they go in the room by themselves. Wheeee! A half hour of freedom for mama!!! I sit out in the hall reading my book, or I wander around the library and stock up on new DVDs for the kids. When he's done, we go for "muffins and tea" together at one of the local coffee shops and read books. It's fun. Last week, our usual program was canceled, so we hopped on a different bus, transfered to the ferry, and went to the library across the harbour. The traveling was the best part - he didn't care for the program when we got there - it was a sing-a-long with a couple of members of Symphony Nova Scotia and some instruments.
Last weekend, we rented a car and went to the Valley for the day. Rode on miniature trains, traversed a corn maze, picked our own pumpkins, visited a sleepy little petting zoo. Went on a hayride. Elliot had a great time and I'm so happy to have been able to give him that experience. A family day like that is how I "see" family interaction in my head.
We were gifted several tomato plants over the summer. Elliot and I transplanted them into pots on the back deck, and there the poor things remained. Through the blistering heat wave in July, a hurricane and a tropical storm in August and a near frost in September. Elliot loved to water them, which was good, since I nearly always forgot. We had about 7 plants in 4 pots. They were a random mix - some cherry, some plum, some full size -and none were identified with the type of plant. Such a mystery! Only 1 flowered and produced fruit, which we were been keeping a haphazard eye on.
There was a second risk of frost last week, so we decided to harvest the few green tomatoes the plant had produced. They were small and hard. Elliot wanted to eat them right away, but was eventually convinced that they needed to ripen and turn red first. We brought them in the house and they've been sitting in a bowl on the counter, forgotten behind the dishes and bread crumbs.
This morning, this is what we found:
Elliot has claimed the tiny one in the centre and is anxiously awaiting it to ripen.
What fun! Elliot is very excited about this cycle. I love that I can share it with him. It's too bad that the sunflowers and pumpkins we planted from seeds didn't grow. Ah well, maybe next year!
Soooooooo, I'm a stay at home mama who doesn't feel like cooking, cleaning or taking care of the kids. And this is how I feel most of the time. I'm inherently lazy and just want to sleep or read or watch TV. I'd love to snuggle with the boys, but they're too active for that.
Elliot is mean. He won't listen and it's escalating and I just want to smack him. I get so angry with him. And most of his acting out is from boredom. But I just don't have the energy to give him the attention and stimulation he needs. And that makes me angry with myself and incredibly sad. And Felix's separation anxiety is smothering me. When the babysitter comes over, he clings to me and starts crying the second he sees her. His night time sleeping sucks.
So yeah, been having an extra emotional few days. Crying a lot. Yelling a lot. Losing my patience a lot. Blech. I don't like the kind of mother/wife/person I am at the moment.
Yep, I recognize that I'm slipping into a depressive phase. I'm still on my meds, and on the minimum dose due to still breastfeeding. I should have known - I was just starting to feel good and thinking to myself "Gee, self, in another 6 months you can start weaning off of them!" (My dr wants there to be a 6 month window where I feel like myself again before attempting a wean - but I'm thinking that I wouldn't even recognize myself if said self walked up and slapped me in the face.) And then BOOM a week later, I feels like shite.
The temper I have inside is scary. I yell at the boys. I leave the house for class, come home 3 hours later, the boys scream and climb all over me like I've been gone for a year and I just can't be excited to see them - I need down time for a few minutes, not instant crazyville. And heaven forbid I need to step back outside to get something (groceries) off the porch. Felix freaks out to the point of black dot & nearly passes out. I really don't need to be dealing with that.
Do I have a support system in place, you ask, sweet reader.... Well, sort of - I have a library program I take Felix to on Wednesday afternoons. The parents all participate, but there's not a lot of independent, grown-up interaction. I did make myself go to my Mommies in Motion stroller fitness class yesterday. Only 2 of us showed up, but it was good to get out and get moving. And a friend works in the same building so I called her and we went for coffee afterwards. That was nice. And I have a wonderful hubby who is my whole world, in the few short hours per day I see him, and the maybe 10 minutes I get to curl up next to him in our bed at night before Felix wakes up and needs to be soothed and I fall asleep in his room until Elliot wakes us all up by yelling "Mama! MAMA HUGGGGGGGGGGGGY!!!"
Just need to push myself through it, I guess.
Yep, just keep pushing and chanting "It can't last forever. It won't last forever." Hey - that mantra got me through Elliot's birth. And after getting through that, I should be able to get through damn near anything.
And yes, it hasn't escaped my attention that all the links in this post have come from posts I made last month. I guess it was all boiling down to this point, huh!